Teen dating with chat

Teen Dating Sites & Social Networks. Here you will find all teen dating sites. Social network sites for teens are meeting places for young teenagers to date or meet new friends. In this list you will find a collection of international teen dating sites. Precisely, you wont need to register any account to enter the teen chat for teenager. You could consider our free teen chat site as one of the best teen friendship and teen chat site alternative available over the Internet. Not to be used as a teen dating site and you have to use a pseudonym all the time while in the teen room. The online dating experience on Teen Chat is unique because it offers a chat room where young adults don’t have to worry about encountering a fake profile or online predator. The free dating site includes a karma system that rewards genuine members and punishes trolls, creeps, harassers, and other abusive members. The teen chat is a chat room online specially for the teenagers to meet new teens from all the world, Chatogo.com offers to you a free online chatrooms for teenagers 13 to 20 years old to have teen dating, relationships and love. Teen Dating is the #1 teen dating site and mobile app for socializing with and meeting new teens near you. Join now and meet thousands of teenagers like you! Meet New Friends Online in Teen Chat Rooms. Teen chat rooms are a great way to meet new friends online. By chatting with different people, you can ascertain the people with similar interests and personality traits. Also if you are looking for love teen chat rooms are a great place for singles to meet other singles and work the room so to speak ... Best Teen Dating Apps. Can’t decide which dating app or site to use as a Teenager? We got your back. Below are some of the best dating apps and sites for Teenagers. But make sure to use wisely. 1. Tinder. Age Limit: 13 and above. Tinder is one of the most popular dating apps used by teenagers more than compared to adults. TEEN CHAT ROOMS. Welcome to Teen-Chat.org! We are your #1 source for free teen chat rooms and blogs for older kids and teens. Our website is dedicated for teenagers only. Boys and girls are all welcome. A place where they will be able to meet new friends in a friendly and safe environment. We also have an active message forums and blog for you ... Mylol is currently the #1 teen dating site in the US, Australia, UK and Canada. We are proud to have a teen dating mobile app. Join now and meet thousands of teenagers like you! Welcome to AlloTalk teen chat rooms, the largest community of teenagers who have gathered to chat, meet new people, make friends, talk about different topics and have fun spending time with other teen boys and girls all around the world.By using AlloTalk, you accept the teen chat rules and you must be between the ages of (13-19)

Make New Friends Here

2012.10.30 03:46 FarSizzle Make New Friends Here

This subreddit is for those who are looking to make some new friends on Reddit.
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2014.06.08 08:08 The friendlier part of Reddit.

The friendlier part of Reddit. Have a fun conversation about anything that is on your mind. Ask a question or start a conversation about (almost) anything you desire. Maybe you'll make some friends in the process.
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2014.12.21 02:59 tizorres CSS for /r/CasualConversation

CSS for /CasualConversation
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2020.10.21 23:48 GibbleFace Help with "Match anxiety"?

Hey hey everyone, I'm new to online dating, and frankly dating in general so I have some anxiety around speaking with multiple people at the same time.
I'm 23F and this is the first time I've been single since my early teens, 2 long term relationships the first being abusive and the second while the guy was a sweetheart I just didn't see it working long term(combined with needing some me time to deal with mental health issues.)
I'm dipping my feet in the water, not quite sure what I'm looking for and I'm clear on that in my bio but I have found I'm now messaging 5 seperate people, 2 of which I think are fizzling out but the other three are at a 1st date planning stage, and I have some other matches I'd like to strike up a convo with. Problem is something about the casually chatting and flirting with multiple people feels weird, like I'm doing something wrong. Is it normal to feel this way? Is it something that gets better with time or am I feeling weird about it because I'm actually doing something wrong?
Is it okay to talk to multiple people? Is it normal to strike up new convos when you have some good ones happening already? Is there some sort of unspoken timeline when you stop speaking to others? And if I decide I'm really only looking for a friendship, is that okay? Obviously I'm on dating sites but I am clear in my bio that I'm not 100% sure on what I'm looking for rn and that it may just be friendships.
submitted by GibbleFace to OnlineDating [link] [comments]


2020.10.21 13:38 xxasynixxx I'm starting therapy soon as i have had a difficult life, they want me to start with my sexual assaults. So I'm writing it down here for support and so I don't forget any details as I freeze upon talking about it.

Be warned this post will be talking about me being sexually assaulted as a minor by an older teen/adult. It is hard for me to talk about and I blocked it out for a long time. Please be kind in the comments. This is really long I do apologize.
Growing up I had very few friends, I had a small group of friends that lived in the same street as me, but we all went to separate schools. In school i found it difficult to make freinds because I was very badly bullied since the first day of primary onwards. So as you can imagine I was extremely lonely.
One day me (12f) and my small group of best friends (all female age 11 and 12) went to the nearby park to play basketball and we met another group of people who were already playing. K (11f), N (12m), D (14f) and Dick (16m). We decided to play a game of basketball with them as they seemed to be having fun and there was only one net. Throughout the game N was flirting with me and I found him very attractive, at the end of the game we all sat together on a field chatting away through the evening, and by home time me and N had swapped home phone numbers.
On the walk home my best freinds were warning me that they were getting some weird vibes from Dick, N's brother, but I was so excited to make some more freinds that I brushed off their warnings. He looked different because he had a skin condition that meant instead of 7 layers of skin he only had 3 which gave his face and body a melted look. Like a melted candle as he had very stretchy skin. He showed us a few tricks like pulling the skin from his neck over his mouth and from his eyebrows over his eyes which I thought was the coolest thing ever. I've always been drawn to people who are different, I found it fascinating. I thought my freinds where just being judgemental. I wish I had listened to them.
I started hanging out with N alone at first, going to the park, the woods, etc just little day dates, and after a few weeks we became boyfriend and girlfriend. This meant I spent a lot more time on the estate he lived on. I had to lie to my parents about where I was going as he lived on a really rough estate, there where lots of drugs, crimes, etc going on in that area, but my parents didn't tell me any of that, just that it was a dangerous area and I wasn't allowed there. But being a kid I went anyway. And going to his estate meant I spent more time with K, D and Dick.
We used to play all sorts of hide and seek style games: man hunt was a popular one, but then i introduced them to my favourite game, hide and seek in the dark. Where we would turn off all the lights in the house in the evening/night and you would have to find people in the dark. We played for weeks with no issues, then me and N would use it as an excuse to experiment without being caught. Whenever one of us was the finder we would aim to find eachother first and experiment sexually. I know it's terrible since we were both 12 but I had a high sex drive from a young age after discovering porn magazines at age 6. We didn't have sex just did hand stuff together, and showed off our genitals but we liked eachother and in our minds it was consensual.
So I started dressing in short skirts, or belly tops, trying to make myself more sexy for N. But unfortunately that attracted the attention of the D and Dick. I dont know if N told his friends and brother what we were doing during our games or if they just saw their chance. But one day we were sat in the bedroom in the winter, I was sat holding hands with N and D turned out the light, and suddenly I heard a lot of movement and suddenly there was a hand between my legs and a finger inside me. But N hadn't moved. He was still in the exact same place when the light went back on. I still don't know who did that to me that night. This happened again many many times over the next few years.
But I didn't want to lose my first real boyfriend over something someone else did, and he promised he would make sure it didn't happen again. I trusted him and thought he would protect me but I was wrong. We carried on playing our games and me and him would have fun in the dark. Noone else touched me for a while until one day we were playing hide and seek again and Dick was the seeker, he found me first, covered my mouth and put his filthy fingers inside me. I knew it was him from the smell alone. He barely ever bathed and his skin folds would create a smell that I can still imagine today when I think back.
I broke up with N and stopped going around for a while, but every day N, K, D and Dick would knock at my house or call me. And my best freinds had started making plans with other freinds and excluding me which made me feel alone. I had a few freinds in school by now but they lived too far away for my parents to let me visit. So I went back.
Nothing happened for a while and I started dating K as I'm bisexual, and as soon as this happened D started doing the same things to me that Dick had been. The thing about D though, she was severely autistic, she had the mind of a child, she still does to this day. And I don't blame her for what she did, because she was only copying what she thought was normal behaviour. I switched between being freinds or dating K or N many times, I cheated on other boyfriends I had in school with them. I told them everything, I gave my first blowjob at either 12 or 13 to a different guy (G) who was the same age as me, after spending a day playing video games with him. I thought it was normal.
I thought I was a freak and wouldn't make other freinds, I became hypersexual with K and N and other guys and girls my age, anyone who asked or showed interest in me. I never had sex but I gave oral and hand jobs and received the same. I used sexual acts to get myself into relationships but for some reason I would always wind up back hanging out with N, K, D and Dick. They where incessant they knocked at my house every day until I gave up and started hanging out with them again.
Dick became more brazen the longer things went on, he would pin me to a wall or in a corner in broad daylight and touch me anywhere he wanted, I would beg N and K to never leave me alone with him. I confided in them what he had been doing to me but there would always be 5-10 minutes where they weren't there. And every single time he would do something to me, pin me down and force me to kiss him, force his fingers inside me, bury his face in my underdeveloped chest, pinch my nipples, show me his penis, rub it on me anything he could do without being caught.
Until one day when I was 14 and Dick was 18 he invited another 18/19yo freind over, and I can't remember his name so I'll call him tom. Tom picked up on my uncomfortableness straight away and he could see the fear in my eyes whenever I was alone in the room with him and Dick. I thought he was there to join in. He could see me looking sick whenever Dick tried to flirt with me. He knew something was up. And then when N went to the toilet Dick made his move, I stood up to get a drink from the kitchen, and as I was leaning against the sink drinking my glass of water Dick ran into the room and scooped me up in the air. He lifted my skirt up showing his freind my underwear and I started punching and trying to kick him, shouting "put me down!" And he pulled my underwear to the side and shoved two fingers deep inside me while holding me up in the air with the opposite arm. I screamed bloody murder cause it hurt like hell.
The next bit is a blur but I was told afterwards that Tom had stood up, ran over, pulled me away and punched Dick in the face. I ran to the bathroom and found I was bleeding and just broke down crying. I don't remember anything after that, I just know I never went back. I don't even know how I got home.
I told a few people in the following years what happened, freinds of Dick who I knew, usually if they planned an event and he was there, I made sure someone knew so they could keep him away from me, one offered to kill him for me for £50 and I paid it without a second thought asking them to tie him to.a tree and set him on fire. He changed his mind though and gave me the money back, which I'm grateful for now as I wouldn't want to be imprisoned for murder.
I went to 6th form college at 16 and by the end of college at 18 I had blocked it all out completely. I was very hypersexual for a long time, I was a swinger for years, I've had sex with around 200-300 people. And I attempted suicide twice due to severe depression. I was in a physically abusive relationship a 19 and became an alcoholic. I'm sober now but I still struggle with depression and suicidal ideation.
It wasn't until 2.5 years ago that I remembered. I smoked weed and was talking to my (now ex) girlfriend and suddenly it all came spilling out of my mouth. We called the police and made a report but nothing was ever done about it. And I found out he did the same things to his little sister. But again that bastard is walking free with two daughters. The only witnesses were N, K, D and Tom. But N passed away, K wouldn't testify, D couldn't testify because of her mental age and I don't remember who Tom is.
I'm sorry for how long this got and if anyone got this far I thank you. I have multiple assault stories but this.is by far the worst in my mind. And I will be posting the rest, mostly because I want to be able to tell my therapist about it and I'm worried I'll block it out again or forget things. Some of these details may be mixed up in my mind as it was such a long drawn out part of of my life xx
submitted by xxasynixxx to rapecounseling [link] [comments]


2020.10.20 12:31 freya2192 28[F4M] Northeast US/Anywhere - Wanna talk about games and nerd stuff?

So. Lately I’ve been feeling pretty isolated and stuff so I figure what the heck! A little about me: I am a lifelong gamer kid that loves the Final Fantasy franchise (longtime FFXIV player currently on a hiatus) casual games like Stardew Valley, Minecraft, Animal Crossing, and more recently Genshin Impact (Keqing best girl - fite me).
I love fantasy films like Lord of the Rings, pretty much anything animated and I also have a thing for Victorian-era dramas based on books like Jane Eyre, Howard’s End etc. Don’t ask why because I have no idea. I love watching cooking competition shows too as well as documentaries!
Aside from my boring office job, I am a self-taught illustrator hoping to freelance full time one day or write a chapter book for pre-teens. I’d love to connect with any fellow artists or writers!
Dating isn’t really my main goal for posting, but to give an idea anyways I am fairly short at 5”2, curvy with brown hair and blue eyes. I don’t mind sharing photos if we wind up getting along. Hey, who knows!
What I’m looking for is just someone to chat with, play games or watch stuff together. I tend to struggle with maintaining friendships and as a result wind up feeling isolated often so I’m hoping to change that! I get along best with people who make me laugh, have a top tier meme arsenal and are understanding and kind.
Location doesn’t really matter to me as long as timezones don’t get too much in the way of hanging out and chatting! I’d prefer to connect with people in my age group of 26-34 if possible.
So that’s it! Feel free to introduce yourself and send a message, thank you!
submitted by freya2192 to r4r [link] [comments]


2020.10.20 03:31 justanotheracount150 Don't tell people in videogames your plans for Holliday's, especially if you're a female.

I live in New England, and Salem is a huge tourist attraction up here. I used to go every year with my parents, my parents were christian, but my mom dabbled in wicca for fun. My dad would get upset about us seeing her books, but my mom raised as a southern baptist, never really defined herself by one religion, she always seemed to believe them all, even ancient religions, she was a big fan of Egyptian history. She was also a psychiatrist, and found every religion had a form of healing mentally which is why she studied many religions in the first place. Most of her documented work was about the fine line between healthly way of health through religion and creating harmful dillusion. She worked with trouble teens.
Every year we would go see this one phychic as my mom really liked her. She liked her ability to read people on a phycology level more so than magical. We would explore the historical parts of Salem for my dad who's interests have always been math and history, few degrees in engineering and math but one in history because he could. He would teach us the history during daylight hours and at night my mom would take us around to the creepy mystery and magical stuff.
This divide often left us with only my mom at night as my dad would sleep in the car to prepare for the hours long drive home. At the point this starts I was 15. I played online videogames, and just got into World of Warcraft, as a female I got a lot of weird attention. (Frame of reference I'm 30 now). It was the last year we'd visit Salem as my mom was getting sick, though I didn't know it yet. I told my guild I was going to Salem and one guy chimed in he lived near it and would love to meet me. I explained I was going to be with my parents and be weird if some guy I never met showed up, and thought nothing more.
I played with my two older brothers and they were in the same guild, neither of them said anything either. What I didn't know is this guy was actually Facebook friends with my brother, and I just joined facebook, as it was recently opened to high school students too. I didn't know but he knew what we looked like.
So the day arrived, we packed up for day trip to Salem, we were excited as usual as both my parents always took extra care to make the trip exciting. And my brother brought his new girlfriend, and other brother brought his best friend I had a huge crush on. We didn't get to do much as a family as my brothers were in college and my parents worked a lot. Non of us knew the day would be much scarier than jump scares and spooky stories.
We did our usual routine there, showed off our costume, got tasty food from venders and just having a good time. My mom at the time was taking our younger brother who was 9 to do the kiddie stuff so I wondered off with my brothers. For those who've never been to Salem it's mostly the down town and turned into a giant witchy fair basically but with historical building instead of barns. My parents gave us 100$ each to go shopping and have fun, my oldest brother bought beer and let me try it but it was gross lol so I got some apple cider. My dad had gone to the car and my brother was commenting on all the hot girls with his friend, and my other brother distracted with his new girlfriend. I had no friends in high school so I just sat alone on a rock wall near by as they chatted and played around.
I decided to go off and get a snack and these fake tattoo art near by. My brothers girlfriend said she join me soon and stay at the artist if I finish early (leave it to a girl to be maternal I guess lol). As I ate my apple fritter in line someone tapped me on the shoulder, I immediately thinking it was my brother and his girlfriend turned around to find a 20 something year old, nerdy obese guy with curly long greasey hair standing over a foot taller than me. He was wearing a Warcraft II shirt and he greeted me and asked me if I played WoW.
I assumed he was looking at my backpack which I drew all over, and it had World of Warcraft written on it. I always carried my backpack with my laptop and full of sketching supplies as I get bored easily. (Ps laptop I had back then was 2000$ hp and heavy as hell)
He explained he played too, and was excited to meet a girl who played WoW. Going to a small school myself the only people I knew who played WoW were my brothers, their friends and their friends younger brothers, who weren't my friends. Despite not having friends, I was a friendly extrovert (I lost popularity due to a fall out with friends where I was made out to be bad person, long story) so I greeted him kindly as I would anyone. Honestly I just got the vibe he was looking for a friend, currently lost all my friends (in a small school of 200 people total for all highschool, it's easy to have your whole grade of 54 people against you, it was a prep school too so clicks were absolutely toxic). I felt sympathy for him as it sucked not having friends, and I was absolutely more vunable as result of losing all my friends and having and entire school hate me.
So we chatted, I didn't even pick up creepy vibes until he mentioned my brothers names. It seemed like a mistake as he tried to cover it up after. Only then I started feeling nervous and it showed. Stupid me just kept nodding to his questions but I had chills, too much to answer anymore verbally. As it was my turn to get a fake tattoo, the lady doing my tattoo obviously saw my discomfort and whispered if I was ok. I didn't want to say anything so I simply shrugged.
Immediately this guy goes off, asking what she wispered to me. A huge red flag went off, as he became possessive of me, saying stuff like I should talk about people behind their backs and it is rude. He said something along the lines of me being a tease and stormed off after bike cops started coming over to see why this guy was yelling.
Now wouldn't that be a fine ending? I wish...
The cops asked who he was, I told them I didn't know him. They asked me my age and name ect, and the lady quickly finished up my tattoo and rejected my payment as I was swifty taken away by police to a tent they had set up. There I called my mom who rushed over like the end of the world happened. I got scolded of all things and my brothers were about to get their butts handed to them on a platter. She was told by the female officer that a man had been harassing me, and it was lucky they showed up (FYI cops are in plenty around Salem especially in October)
About 30 minutes had passed by the time I met up with my mom and creepy guy stormed off. She frantically called my brothers but neither picked up. My mom was fuming so I ran over and bought her apple cider (family thing) and seemed to cool her off a bit while we looked for my brothers.
So after another 30+ minutes she sees my brother and his girlfriend frantically looking for me around the tattoo booth I was originally at. Anndddd off my mom went, left behind hold my baby brothers hand. Least the confused look on his face made me smile.
My mom is overly protective of me as we lost my little sister 11 years before this due to choking. She was a baby and choked while no one was looking. So she would get extra mad on my account, going as far to get a teacher (rightfully) fired for keeping me in class during an asthma attack from an idiot spraying perfume in my face. (Another teacher over heard and pulled me out of class). But not without embarrassing me by screaming at her during school hours.
So here my mom screening at my brother and his girlfriend for being "wreckless". My moms worst nightmare is kidnapping, prob as are most parents. It was quite the scene honestly, but I tried to focus on my baby brother and make him laugh instead. He was everything to me those days anyways, now he's a pretty rude and mean but different events transpired to turn him from sweet kid to mean adult.
I didn't think about where my other brother went till the drama unfolding I guess lured him and his friend to my mom. But as he was walking to my mom to seemingly break up the fight (he was always the calm one) I saw creepy WoW guy in tow with him and his friend... I simply did what every dumb sheltered girl does...I froze. My brother calmed my mom down and eventually told my mom the "creepy man" was his friend from videogames, and was just making sure I was safe since I was seemingly alone.
Durring all this time, I guess he found my brother and spun the story to being a white knight though at the time I was simply clueless to that level of manipulation... My mom turned around to ... Thank him and said sorry for the misunderstanding. They all talked for what seemed like forever but eventually My baby brother pulled me out of my frozen state by needing to pee.
I took him to the bathroom after telling my mom, honestly I was just stunned and didn't think people would believe a 15 year old over a college student. But suddenly this creepy guy runs up to me and my baby brother saying he can take him to the boys room so he doesn't have to go to the icky girls room, as an apology for "catching me off guard, he was just worried about me"...
Idk why but I yelled at him simply " no, he's going with me". I think that's where cogs started moving for my mom, that this guy wasn't all there. My little brother insisted on going to the boys room now though but thankfully my oldest brother stepped in to take him...but creepy wow guy followed in saying he had to go pee anyways, that's all.
I think my mom picked up on my discomfort after this and asked if I wanted to join my dad in the car. Honestly I wanted to but I also really wanted to see a certain tent we passed by before and we still didn't see my mom's phychic yet. So we gathered back up as a family and creepy guy tagged along to see a few more things and wrap the day up with my mom's phychic. In one store I saw a cool dragon statue that was two dragons in a heart shape written on it "eternal love" but it was 200+$ and didn't really go with my pink room with cat figurines and real cats everywhere. I simply thought it was cool.
Creepy guy kept asking me small questions about my school every so often and WoW. But the one that stuck out to me that only my brothers friend overhead was if I liked anyone at school or had a boyfriend yet. My brothers friend actually was a senior at my school, my brother a freshman in college. He chimed in saying "idk but she's going to prom with me" (we actually ended up going to prom together long after this as friends under strange series of events, but at the time we never talked nor had any plans to go to prom together)
I think a light bulb turned on for him and saw that this guy was creeping on me. At this point we knew his age and he was 27 in community college (no judgement for those going to community college or older in college) but was a red flag as he bragged how he's was wealthy, how he turned down Yale and was going to graduate top of his college and so on. And my brothers friend was very uncomfortable with a 27 year old asking a 15 year old about her love life. (My brothers friend was 17)
But being dumb teens we never made a point to tell my mom or my brothers. We just bottled it up I guess. (I won't lie though, I crushed harder on him after this)
We got done with the phychic and we headed back to the car to my dad as Mr WoW creep tagged along. By the time we reached the car my mom had tried to get him to say bye a few times but he insisted he parked the same way as us... It should of been a red flag but we were all tired from walking all day. At the car he gave me that 200$ statue, I never saw him buy it, I think he stole it truthfully. My mom kinda just said it was nice of him and he didn't have to. But I could tell she thought it was weird.
Eventually we make it to the car and he insisted on "meeting the daddy of such a wonderful family". Now that gave us all a chill down our backs. My dad stands at 6ft 9inches and by no means someone you mess with. He did college football for two years till chiche injury took him out, he limps a lot more now that he's in his late 50s due to it. My mom and I are only 5ft 2, so it's quite a difference considering only 18 year old brother is the tallest brother standing 6ft compared to my dad, were all small lol. My dad one of those guys who always dress in a suit too, typical business man. Our family was well off due to both my parents being well paid professionals, idk why my dad always wore suits though even on holliday. But it definitely made him more intimidating to this nerd guy who before this projected confidence.
My dad immediately picked up on my discomfort as this guy mentioned my name and saying "oh and with (my name) you raised such a beautiful daughter too" after he was done saying how nice my dad's family was and bragging how his sons are great blah. Now my dad's not just an engineer for fighter jets but a business man and boss so he handles himself with decorum... usually (unless it's with his friends and they're joking around).
My father responded to him sternly, probably make most people freeze, because he has a really deep authority voice (FYI sucks when you're his kid cuz that voice is truely scary when you're in trouble). That same voice he uses when we've done something wrong he projected on this guy saying "if you would please back away, I'd like to take OUR family home" pointing at my mom. My dad was conservative but he gave full credit to anyone who worked hard regardless or sex religion, color or status, and was apparently already peeved by him constantly saying it was my dad's family. When my mom puts just as much effort and money into it. But mentioning me and creepy vibe was my dad's last straw.
He kept saying goodbye and he'd see us online.... Waving till we were out of sight.
So yeah still not the end... Sorry, in the car we joked a little how weird he was but quickly cheered up with food and tv.
If you've ever been to Salem or most any historical towns in New England, bunch of one way streets and maze to get anywhere in center of town. In this time a car eventually got behind us that took every turn we did. Everyone but my dad was too tired to notice, we were eating treats, and watching TV with VCdvd my dad installed in the back (honestly was pretty cool back then). While we watched scary cartoons recorded off cartoon network about an hour away from home I noticed my mom and dad whispering, and mumbling stuff. Usually this was my parents "sexy talk", incoherent but usually obvious on body language so at first I wrote it off. Few towns away from home though I noticed the body language as did my brothers wasn't "sexy talk" but stressed and worried. My mom mumbled something about police, and told my dad to pull off the highway to the rest stop.
The car went quite, and we pulled off, my mom got out and my younger older brother asked what was going on as we were probably 20min from home. Wasn't long till we all looked at what my dad was looking at intensely. Old beat up off white dirty car, and in the driver seat was creepy WoW guy and a kinda older druggy looking guy in the passenger seat. The WoW guy quickly leaned back to hide his face as we all turned to look at him, but it was definitely him. My brothers at this point are saying WTF, and trying to figure out stuff as my dad say there silently staring and pissed. My brothers girlfriend was obviously nervous and my other brothers friend was obviously unsettled but both were quite.
My oldest brother opened the car door and got out standing outside the car. My dad yelled at him to get back in and close the door. (I should mention the car we had was a large SUV that was very white that stood out so probably not hard to follow in the dark either).
Eventually cops pull in and WoW guy pulls out with another vehicle following him as the police pull up to my dad's car. Now in an action movie cop probably would of taken off and followed them but he just asked my dad questions which I found disappointing but I guess we had no proof or something. My mom soon joined and my dad got out of the car as they talked and eventually it was all over. We got home and I went straight to bed, my older brothers stayed up a bit talking but I was just worn out and my little brother was already asleep in the car in candy comma, so he was carried in like the rest of day trip luggage.
I usually stayed up till 1-2am on weekends gaming but I couldn't today, plus I had school project to finish the next day, so I fell asleep around 11pm. Around 2am my aim went off, I slept with my lap top on usually (not very environmental but I used it for music to sleep to). It immediately woke me up, anyone old enough to know that aim messenger sound knows it wakes you up. Now my AIM screen name was the same was my character in WoW so easy for ppl to add me.
The request was from someone I didn't recognize yet. I groggly accepted and rolled over but wasn't long before a few messages popped up that I half asleep read. Then my bones went cold, that actually happens when you get scared enough and I felt my body get cold soon after.
Long story short my dad parks the SUV outside as my brothers cars, mom's and dads 4 cars take up the garage.
This guy messaging me was WoW creep, obviously at this point. But he was saying how nice it was to meet me, and now that he knew where I lived he could drive down anytime and we could hang out. He continued on with paragraphs of how he thought I was cool and his sob story. Constantly bouncing between how he liked that such a beautiful girl played videogames to his life is a mess and how successful he is... Like flipping through personalities.
After like 5 + minutes my brain was awake enough to go get my brother. I first went to my oldest brothers room on the third floor but the sounds I heard in there were basically do not disturb...
So I went to my other older brothers room and him and his friend were asleep so I felt guilty. I didn't want to wake up my parents and did a bit I debated just waiting till tomorrow to say something. But I looked outside and chill ran down my back remembering he somehow knew where we lived. It was enough to wake up my brother with tears in my eyes. His friend woke up too as I was telling my brother the guy was messaging me on AIM.
They both take a moment and suddenly thier expression changed from tired to frantic as they both walked fast to my room. As they read though the messages they got to where it said he knew where we lived. My brother said he must of followed us somehow or saw the car outside. Both of them tried to think of ways to handle it, I guess feeling same way and not wanting to wake our parents or trying to be strong. Eventually they both concluded the cops needed to know, but didn't want to call the emergency line so my brother eventually went and woke up my mom. My dad's a heavy sleeper so at first he didn't come into my room. My mom read over the messages anddddd took my lap top away. (Actually took it away for two weeks after this too which sucked).
She went into her bedroom and woke my dad as they talked and my brother and his friend sat in my room trying to comfort me in their own ways. I honestly wasn't as scared as I should of been, mostly because I was way to focused on my crush at the time... We also had 10 cats (my mom rescued animals but in particular cats more, we also had a squirrel, two large dogs, and a owl, all rescues she did, except 5 of the cats were sane litter from a pregnant cat my mom took in) so I had 4 cats in my bed also full of threat reduction skills.
My mom I presume called the non emergency line and printed the messages. My brother and his friend eventually went back to his room and I feel asleep in a pile of purring cats on my bed, so wasn't difficult.
I woke up late, breakfast was done but I heated up leftovers. My alarm clock was my lap top so partly why. I guess my parents thought it best not to wake me as they were gone when I woke up. Infact as I realized everyone was gone. My house was big so was usual not to see anyone for hours... so I didn't even know I was home alone till they all came back. They all went to give statements as my neighbor watched the house and my little brother to make sure creep didn't show up.
From what I know my mom didn't want to involve me much as she was scared of the phycological effects or something of the sort. So many details I only learned from my brothers after my mom passed away. But I guess the searched for the guy but they never found him or the guy in the car with him. According to my dad it was two cars following us, the name he had on Facebook wasn't his real name either so all they had was his one profile picture, that actually wasn't him at all. So he wasn't caught and a patrol car would go down our street couple times a night.
Now it should be the end but again he continued to cause problems. He left the guild (a set group in WoW) shortly after and deleted his character week later. But back then you had no idea who a character was attached to, least these days WoW has account wide messenger so you know your friends list characters and can block accounts. But back then you could only block a character and someone could make a new one, and you'd never know they were the same person unless they said so.
Months later we got a new guild member and non of us ever thought to change our usernames or more. By this time my brothers friend had joined us in WoW and we'd kinda become friends after the drama at school settled down. (Long story short my friends cousin asked me out, we went on a date and he got really handsy (not rape but didn't take no for an answer and the guy working the theater saw and called police, then my mom got involved), my mom reported him to school and he was expelled, and I was then the target of lies and hate as he was really liked at school). Guess my brothers friend heard my side without the lies and decided to be my friend kinda since I didn't have any, more so he felt sorry for me though. But we chatted on WoW and it was obvious I had a huge crush on him, especially as my brothers would point it out in guild to embarrass me. But never did I think I would be manipulated through a crush like this. In short I was catfished into thinking my crush made a secret character to message me.
One day this character message me pretending to be my crush and lovestruck me believed it. For weeks we messaged flirty messages and I was over the moon happy. The person told me he couldn't show it in person as he was scared my brother would stop being his friend. I believed it, I fell into like an idiot... I thought my 15 year old self had a secret relationship with my crush. I was very very wrong.
One night he asked me to meet up with him in town after my parents went to sleep, I told him to pick me up but he didn't want to come near my house in fear my brother would see his car. So he told me to pick a place in town and give him the address. So I did, ... I did.. but luckily for me I had started reconnecting with a girl above my grade, not really friends but not enemy's. I offered to give her 50$ to drive me to place in town (I was one of the richest kids in town and her family lived in a 1 floor house near the highway and wasnt wealthy but not poor. But 50$ was a lot to her so she jumped at the chance despite not really being my friend.
He said he be there at 1am and should give me enough time to "walk there". I didn't even think to tell him I was catching a ride, it was pretty freaking cold so I didn't want to walk. He also said he had a Christmas gift for me and wanted to kiss me so I was over the moon not thinking anything through.
3 hours passed and my ride shows up, I give her the money and it seemed to make her friendly enough that the car ride wouldn't be too awkward. She asks why I need to go out this late in the cold to the park, I told her I was meeting someone from school in secret and I'd give her more money next week if she didn't tell anyone who. I had full awareness that she was involved in a lie or two about me so I was willing to buy her silence if it meant I didn't have to wait out in the cold.
So after less than 10 minute ride we get to the park and I wait for a text. I had newest phone back then and was pretty proud to show it off when the girl drive asked to see it. While we were talking about phones I got a text that said "I'm here".
We both look around and don't see anyone in the park or parking lot. I texted back I didn't see him or his car. I knew what my brothers friend drove as he drove me home a few times. He messaged to go to the other side of the park but again it was cold and I definitely didn't dress for the cold. I told him to come to (girls name) car cuz I wasn't dressed for the cold (with winky face).
He said he didn't want anyone seeing us together so I texted back I bought her silence already. After this slow texting cat and mouse game. It felt weird, but I couldn't understand why I felt off. He messaged me saying he had my gift and wanted to give it to me in private, so I borrowed her jacket and went to the middle of the park where there's always a lit building with bathrooms (they were locked at this hour).
But by standing under the light I lost my distance vision to see in the dark far away. I could see a figure on the other side and an outline of a car. He started walking towards me and my heart was racing with fear and excitement. I decided to walk towards him too, getting close enough not to see his face but the moonlight on his car. My brothers friend drove a black sports car, this car was light grey or white, and not even the same shape, was boxy unlike a sports car.
I stopped walking to stare at it parked on the side of the road trying to make out more details, when I saw a person in the cars driver side. As he got closer you could see his curly hair, my brothers friend did not have curly hair, nor was he puggy.
All I knew at this point the guy waving at me wasn't my brothers friend. I turned point and ran back to the girls car without even thinking, i had no idea what to think but my body just reacted. I got in her car as I slammed the door I caught a glimpse of the guy under the light standing there .... It was creepy WoW guy. He lost a good bit of weight but still not fit, but his hair and face were unique enough that I was pretty certain it was him.
My mind was rushing as the girl asked me what was going on. I couldn't even process it, I was more heartbroken than scared, typically Teenager. I eventually got out that I needed to go home now, and I'd explain as just stood there, then started walking back to his car.
She got out of there fast as I told her he followed us home couple months ago and left me creepy messages. She was obviously scared and checking behind her car religiously. After getting home she asked me what was going on she thought it was " brothers friend". I told her I didn't understand myself, but I was scared. In my mind about a million different reasons came up to make me believe that he hacked my brothers friend character, was less painful. Anything that meant his friend liked me back and it was anything but the obvious.
Afterwards I got inside and cried, felt like my first break up and it was all I could think about. Not my safety but the fact I had thought all this time my crush liked me back but it was a creep instead. I ended up falling asleep on the couch, and the next morning my mom woke me up all worried. I told her everything, bursting out in tears as I felt her body go tense in embrace.
My mom calmed me down then called the police, I was scared they arrest my brothers friend or tell him about the exchange of texts between who I thought was him and i and I begged her not to.
The cops arrived in quite a quick time, but took my phone and lap top. This time it was serious as it was considered attempted kidnapping. I just cried, mourning my relationship that I never really had with my crush. I told them everything, they asked multiple questions over and over too so it was tiring. I ended up missing school that day and the girl who drove me, well she had her own elaborate story that mostly painted me as a liar and I had a ugly older secret boyfriend or something. Just more fuel to the friendless fire.
Well after months they found nothing on the guy and eventually we all put it in the back of our minds. My dad installed a security system and we went on with our lives. I continued to play WoW and other online games. I ended up going to prom with my brothers friend cuz his date cancelled on him and he had a free ticket. We had fun but far as I knew cops never spoke with him.
Eventually I graduated and went off to college, met a guy who played WoW and dated him through college but we broke up after college as I don't want kids. My mom died soon after and all kinda sucked for awhile causing a whole series of events making my baby brothers life troubled. I spent years trying to help him to have it blow up in my face and overall not speaking with my family much at all.
I started streaming on Twitch for WoW and few other games, to pay for extra stuff as I was entry level jobs straight out of college. Was where I started learning make-up and really blossomed realising I was actually a lot more attractive than I gave myself credit, and got really into shape. This part of my life was full of let's not meet stories itself lol but one follower eventually caught my eye as he kept saying something that just made me feel uncomfortable. For about 6 months a guy would join randomly and talk about how smart he was, got into Yale and turned them down.. his troubled life at home and how much he loves Salem Massachusetts at this time of year (fall). But after I met my now boyfriend he stopped showing up.
Part of me wanted to track the guy down but I just wanted to move on with my life.
I currently have a house with my boyfriend of 5 years, 4 cats and a dog. Our anniversary is Halloween, as we met at a Halloween party so kinda when we celebrate. My current boyfriend and play WoW still, on and off along with other games and was a big reason he was attracted to me at the party was my Zelda costume. He is physical my dream guy so was instant match lol. I don't keep any information that can track me on my Facebook, but unfortunately because I own a house the information is out there online. So it's always a fear back of my mind. I still stream and play WoW but much less.
My boyfriend wanted to go to Salem Massachusetts last year as he's never been, and loved my fun stories of my mom and dad there. He took me there as a surprise thinking it would be fun. I had some fun remembering the good times with my mom but the lingering feeling of looking over my shoulder was there. My moms phychic was still there too, so I had to. She didn't recognize me to my disappointment but was perceptive enough to say "your fear of your past coming back lingers heavily tonight". I probably looked anxious.
All the memories came back yesterday when a guy in our guild asked if he could meet up with us in Boston for Halloween as he lives in there and would love to meet us as we told our guild whom we've known most of them for years and many are locals we'd miss an important event in guild due to our anniversary plans in Boston than Salem (though this year were going in basically hassmat suits due to covid, were zombies in hassmat lol). But my blood ran cold as we don't really know this guildie and my first thought was, what if it's him, what if it's creepy WoW guy.
submitted by justanotheracount150 to LetsReadOfficial [link] [comments]


2020.10.20 02:43 freya2192 28[F4M] Northeast US/Anywhere - Wanna talk about games and nerd stuff?

So. Lately I’ve been feeling pretty isolated and stuff so I figure what the heck! A little about me: I am a lifelong gamer kid that loves the Final Fantasy franchise (longtime FFXIV player currently on a hiatus) casual games like Stardew Valley, Minecraft, Animal Crossing, and more recently Genshin Impact (Keqing best girl - fite me).
I love fantasy films like Lord of the Rings, pretty much anything animated and I also have a thing for Victorian-era dramas based on books like Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, Howard’s End etc. Don’t ask why because I have no idea. I love watching cooking competition shows too as well as documentaries!
Aside from my boring office job, I am a self-taught illustrator hoping to freelance full time one day or write a chapter book for pre-teens. I’d love to connect with any fellow artists or writers!
Dating isn’t really my main goal for posting, but to give an idea anyways I am fairly short at 5”2, curvy with brown hair and blue eyes. I don’t mind sharing photos if we wind up getting along. Hey, who knows!
What I’m looking for is just someone to chat with, play games or watch stuff together. I tend to struggle with maintaining friendships and as a result wind up feeling isolated often so I’m hoping to change that! I get along best with people who make me laugh, have a top tier meme arsenal and are understanding and kind.
Location doesn’t really matter to me as long as timezones don’t get too much in the way of hanging out and chatting! I’d prefer to connect with people in my age group of 26-34 if possible.
So that’s it! Feel free to introduce yourself and send a message, thank you!
submitted by freya2192 to R4R30Plus [link] [comments]


2020.10.20 01:21 AnxiousLaw Wasted my twenties

I'll be thirty soon and I wasted not only my teen years but my twenties in a mixture of OCD, anxiety and depression. I never know which came first. I somehow have a decent career but my social and love life are almost non-existent. If I'd never had opportunities, I might not feel so bad, after all you can't regret what you never had or what could have never been. But I had so many opportunities, so many chances and I wasted most of them, mostly out of fear. I think back to being 19, 20, 21... Even 22, 23, 24.... Heck even 25 might not have been too late. If only I'd started then to get over my mental health issues. But I didn't. And now I'm stuck like a perpetual adolescent in a way, with almost no proper experience of life.
I want more than anything to have a fulfilling relationship. I'm female so I do get a fair amount of attention on dating apps but I think because of my age I'm struggling to find people who are serious. Most people my age seem to have a lot of baggage, emotionally or literally. I know I have a lot of emotional baggage but I don't have the life experience to relate to anyone.
I don't want to be intimate with anyone until I know them well. I've never had a close relationship with a man and I have a lot of OCD and anxiety issues related to sexual intimacy which I'm gradually working through. I've chatted with a lot of guys and tried to stay positive but they crush me everytime. They want something quick and fast, they seem to assume because of my age that I have a ton of experience and a lot of them want kids soon. I can't imagine finding someone who I have a connection with and who would be happy to wait and put up with my issues. It feels like finding a needle in a haystack.
I'm just feeling so low about it and even thinking if there's any point in going on anymore. I can't believe I messed my life up this badly. I could have been so happy.
submitted by AnxiousLaw to depression [link] [comments]


2020.10.20 00:22 Too_Shy_To_Say ...Hello To All You Lovely People

This'll be my first time actually posting anything here. Before I start with what I intended for this to be about, I feel obligated to thank you all for...well...the way you all are. I've kinda been a lurker here for a while (for more than just a day, I felt the need to start a new account for this kind of thing, in a 'finding me' kind of thing, if that makes any sense 😅) and I can say with 110% certainty that each and every one of you wonderful people are amazing. The literal flood of support and positivity that lives in this place, even when it hasn't been individually directed towards me, has kept me from doing things I'd regret and things I wouldn't have the ability to regret had I gone through with them. I hope that reading this makes everyone here get that tingly good feeling for having made a difference worth more than the world in someone else's life. If anyone deserves to get that warm and fuzzy feeling about themselves it's you wonderful people 😊.
I ended up writing a LOT more than I intended to 😅. My intentions are that: - I would love to be able to talk to anyone and everyone (preferably privately for now...I'm terribly shy and reaching out like this in the first place was harder than it should have been 😖) about their experience and advice in regards to these things! All those who are willing please let me know, I would hate to bother anyone who wasn't willing nor had the time.
Anyways...I finally found it in me to muster up enough guts to come here and post something because I'm feeling pretty darn lost right now. That being the case, I'll just give you all some background about myself and let loose some emotional baggage.
I'm currently [18M] and in my senior year. It all sort of just hit me all at once today how, well, unhappy I've been because of "who I had to be" and how many obvious Gender dysphoria signs I had misinterpreted over the years. I remember always wanting (and begging 😅) my Mom to make free time just to sit down so I could comb and do her hair every other day when I was ~6. I attended a 'by the book' Catholic private elementary school in my early years. For recess the boys and girls were always sent to different sections of the school. I was always sent to the field with the other boys because I'm an AMAB (Assigned Male At Birth? Think I used it right. Please correct me if I didn't) and I was never able to understand any of them, figuratively speaking. And I mean, it was to the point where each and every recess of my elementary years was spent roaming around the gravel ring lining the field because doing what the other boys were doing and acting they way they did seemed...wrong to me. Heck, ever since Middle School anytime I play a game I always have chosen a female avatar, and more often than not find myself wanting/wishing to wake up as a girl one day. In my Middleschool years I had always seemed to fit in more with the girls (but not completely, you all know how intense Boy vs. Girl is in Middle School) than I did with the boys. I had like 2 boys I was close enough to call friends, but 20+ girls who I was friends with, and even had the numbers, as a chat buddy, of a couple of them. Highschool has more or less been the same way.
...Unfortunately, the only one's who know about all of the above are myself, and well, now all of you. I kinda drew the short straw when it comes to my family. I'm in no way discrediting the family difficulties that some of you have been through, believe me, I've lurked here for a while 😅. My family...if you can call it that...has always been a brutal battleground. Typical Deadbeat dad, expect mine stayed where I lived because he owned our house. Up until I was 9 the only memories I have of him were him just sleeping on the couch (morning, evening, and night) and netflixing while working. One of the most toxic people you'll ever meet too. His life revolved, and still does, around the act of verbally and occasionally physically abusing his wife and kids to feel better about himself. Doesn't matter what he has to do, be it lowblows or guild trips, he always makes you feel terribly about yourself. I lived with him for 16 years, he and Mom divorced 2 years ago and I had cut off contact with him even before then. Just to give you an idea of how deadbeat he is, he spent all his time trying to haggle down child support and raise his takeaways and not a minute on custody and visitation during the court case. My mom was essentially a single mom struggling with four boys for 16 years. For the first 16 years of my life she struggled to do everything she had to. When I was ~12 and starting to figure out that a boy wasn't who I really was and was working towards bringing it up with my Mom, she dropped quite a bomb on me. It was about 8pm one night when my Father was out of the house. I heard her sobbing and crying in her room and, being a 12 year old, I rushed in to find her a total wreck. After some crying and hugging later, she asked me, while still crying, to become the 'father' (male role model) for my 3 younger brother so they wouldn't turn out like my father. So, I ended up bottling all those "A boy isn't who I Am" feelings so I could be the best 'Man' for my younger brothers to role model. It was fine for a while, but these last couple years have been hell. Dad got gradually more abusive as time went on, Mom became more and more like a different person, and the feelings became harder to bottle up. Eventually, they divorced, and I thought that Mom would go back to the absolutely loving, supportive, and caring person she once was. I thought that maybe after half a year she would be back to the way she was and, my brothers being mostly middle teens, wouldn't need he to live the "perfect man" role I had been living for them and Mom, and I'd be able to bring it up with her. Unfortunately, she got into online dating a quarter of a year after the divorce and fell hard for a hardcore Trump supporter. A year and a half has gone by since then, and she's turned into someone completely different. Starting a year ago she spends 85% of her free time with her new BF, 10% at home, and the other 5% dropping off food and groceries for me and my brothers. She's gone from a casual Catholic to an obvious racist (I catch her 'preaching' white supremacy to my younger brothers) and it scares me. I can't even talk to her about normal things without her yelling at me in an attempt to "establish dominance over me".
So, these last couple days in particular I've spent a large amount of time lurking through here and similar places when all of a sudden this morming, everything hit me at once. I don't want to wake up hating myself anymore! I don't want to be forced to live as a "perfect man role model" for my younger brothers who have now mostly outgrown their need for me to be one! I want to actually enjoy being alive again!! So...I'm here to start my journey towards what I want to ultimately be...not a boy......but the girl I've always been inside (sorry, that was really cringey and hard to actually come out and say).
submitted by Too_Shy_To_Say to asktransgender [link] [comments]


2020.10.19 11:50 Alphonse123 Lonely and Romantically hopeless: how should I handle it as a Christian?

So, let me tell you a story.
In High School, during Senior Year, I met this wonderful young woman who immediately became my best friend. Her name is Sophie. She was a good story-teller, a comedian, and the only girl to ever give me the light of day. I never felt the way I did about her with any other girl in school, so I decided to ask her out on a date- and before I could utter my proposal, she introduces me to her boyfriend, the only person I've even met who made me feel like a giant. Short, scrawny, quiet, unassuming kid. I was broken by this; here's the girl I fancy, already in a relationship with a guy who made me feel confident about my own appearance. I did the only right thing: I shook the guy's hand, and I went on my way. I continued to be Sophie's friend until I left for college, and even then, we chatted on the phone.
Well, a let's happened since then. She got pregnant, was forced to give the kid up for adoption, was betrayed by some close friends, and generally having a sucky year- and here I am, still having feelings for her- until today.
I realized that the way she affected me, the thoughts in my mind, the visions in my night-dreams- these were not the musings of a Godly man. In maintaining a friendship with her, I wasn't just being a friend, I was pining after her, waiting for an opening, unwillingly to face reality and let her go.
Well, today I did just that- I let go.
I'm still a tad hurt by my decision, but I feel like it was for the best. I couldn't help but feel like God was tugging on my spirit and telling me 'She's not the one; let her go.'
I still think she's making poor decisions, staying with the kid who got her pregnant and couldn't provide for her on his own, but frankly, I don't know how much longer they can hold up, being crazy teens (I recently turned 20, so I can call them crazy teen XD). However, I am saddened, because in spite of my pining and, yes, even lust, I often found myself sharing with this girl, who was agnostic, the Gospel of Christ, and comforting her in troubled times with the words of wisdom found within the Gospel. Not only this, but she was genuinely a good friend.
She was the only girl who ever made me feel like I could find love, like someone else could love me- now I don't know. I feel like there's no one in this World for me- that I am never to find a partner, and that my line will end with me.
So, if that be the Lord's will for me, so be it- but how do I handle this empty feeling in the meantime, while it's freag on my heart?
submitted by Alphonse123 to Christianity [link] [comments]


2020.10.19 05:39 gyrosaregreat Day three of my throwaway diary so whoever finds this o well :)

So today was pretty uneventful but applying to colleges gives me so much stress. Like teachers give zero grace for balancing school work with applications. My ACT is next Saturday and I'm so concerned I don't even have enough time to study. Like I still have to finish homework and work on an orchestra assignment I put off for such a long time and that is completely my fault. But still, I'm really tired and I get why senioritis exists. I'm seriously considering emailing my teachers later saying I have my ACT this week asking for an extension so hopefully that seems fair. I hope this is the last college test I have to take though, I'm so sick of stressing over college and I doubt I'll even get into my reaches, like I'm smart but I'm no legend you know. I also felt really giddy today every time this one dude texted me and it just made me happy so yea. My baby cousin came over today and I love babies but this was an unexpected visit and today was not the day for it. Like please tell me if you're planning to come over rather than springing it on me last minute. I took him out for a walk because he usually calms down but he started crying outside too like really loud and I was so scared my neighbors were going to come see me stressing over a baby. One of the funniest things though, I took a break to play among us and I met two teens my age who were dating so I played with them and we were like okay it's def cyan and he's like I'm Muslim, God is going to come for you. Then I was like nah bruh I'm Muslim and I started spewing verses and was like that ain't cool. It was so funny though because they left the chat and I was like wow bet he was Sunni and woulda slit my neck (I'm Shia and there's a whole other level of discrimination within the Islamic community just for that) and I made the couple laugh and a couple other times too. I don't see myself as super funny so that was just a good feeling. :)
Okay daily activism time a wooh hooh. I noticed this yesterday but I thought I should bring it up anyway. My little sister loooooves the Loud House, you know the kids show on Nickelodeon and I saw Flip call Lincoln "chief". Correct me if I'm wrong but I thought the term was reserved for Native American heads of tribes and should only be used as a term of respect. It originated from European culture but then became reserved specifically for Native Americans so people could recognize their leader. So citing this from the website by the Native American Indian Association of Tennessee, "Use of the title ‘Chief’ by persons who are not tribal business or traditional leaders is considered offensive. Non-Indians addressing individuals who are not federally- or state-recognized tribal leaders or elders by the title ‘Chief’ is also considered offensive to traditional Native American people." I also read that many Native Americans don't even look at chief as an appropriate term according to nativecircle.com. They said that chief " is a word that is commonly given as a nickname which incorrectly labels Native American men. The term 'chief' itself is incorrect. American Indian leaders were never 'chiefs', but headmen, or clan mothers, and so on. Not 'chiefs'. Native leaders were highly disrespected by the USA. So calling someone 'Chief', is just a way to continue that disrespect. Trust us when we tell you, being called 'chief' carries with it the same insulting, belittling sting for a Native man as being called 'boy' does for African American men."
In either case, the word is not appropriate to use in reference to Lincoln Loud. Nickelodeon has grown a lot from where they once started by slowly integrating more BIPOC into their shows and even creating an acknowledgement for George Floyd's murder but still they have a lot of growth to do. So hey if anyone from Nick sees this, you guys were my childhood but PLEASE don't use the term chief in your shows please and thanks :)
submitted by gyrosaregreat to u/gyrosaregreat [link] [comments]


2020.10.18 12:14 discostew44 Is the reason I can't find friends or relationships due to me being FtM?

Hi guys, For context, I'm 20 years old. I'm in a bit of a complicated position where I actually had to de-transition after 9 months on HRT and in the shitty public health system here and aren't in a safe position to begin transitioning again anytime soon, however I do pass just fine and don't tend to get misgendered. However, my body is quite feminine still and I'm also overweight, that combined with the weird mid-amount of time spent on T and the year or two since I went off it, I look kind of... weird when people actually see me, I think. I also have Asperger's and find it really hard to connect with anyone, I used to have a few internet friends and such but haven't had any IRL friends for the last seven years and now my internet social life is also completely fizzled out. I also had a terrible experience breaking up with my last girlfriend when I was 17 (so three years ago), which sent me into a lot of self-hatred and reactionism. I was thinking I was gay at the time so I wanted a break to figure myself out and I ended up having all her friends coming after me to call me a faggot and tell me to die of AIDs. I had a few other relationships through my teens but all of which were online. Anyways, in short, I have no friends, no networks, aren't studying (and when I did never clicked with anyone at school or my college courses I "clicked" with), have never had friends or hung out with anyone, never been on a date, nor have I ever had an IRL relationship of.. any kind, really. I'm a pretty lonely person.
As an Aspie, I frankly don't want much of a social life. I just want one good friend or relationship- someone I can trust to love me for me, you know? But I don't and haven't had that for years. The moment I turned 18 I've been trying to find someone- online dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, even tried Grindr and such before), tried going to LGBT+ youth groups, tried going out, tried reconnecting with people. I've found no one I can get along with. The only people I match with are guys who I'm not really interested in past friendships anyways and tend to ghost the moment they find out I'm FtM, and every single girl I've messaged has just kind of.. stopped responding to me.
I don't know whether it's my having Aspergers' & ADHD, my being FtM, or if it's even something to do with me at all. I've tried on the left & the right, religious communities (I was ... really religious for years because I hated myself so much), going back to school, TAFE courses, LGBT groups, LGBT Facebook groups, Twitter, social media as a whole. And it's nothing and no one. I really don't know how to go about this, I'm really unconfident and dysphoric, and so lonely. I'm pretty much trying not to cry as I finish typing this. I just want someone to love me. My family don't support me at all and I'm so isolated. I wish someone would even give me a chance. I feel like my dysphoria and hating myself puts baggage on someone without them even knowing I come with the bags. I've tried being stealth and being open- even the other trans people I found don't want to give me the time of day. I feel like other trans people see me as a "cis bootlicker" or something, and cis people see me as something subhuman. I don't know why I can't make friends.
I really don't see any other reason for it other than my being trans puts people off and weirds people out. My Dad is always telling me I look like a half-and-half (I don't) and it weirds everyone out that sees me. When I was a kid, I was bullied really badly, and the girls wouldn't play with me for being too much like a boy, but the boys wouldn't either because I was "a girl". I feel like the exact same thing is happening to me again. Am I cursed? Is it just me being trans? I just want one friend. I'd give anything for one friend or a relationship or anything at all. I don't know how to open up to anyone anymore. I try to break the ice and chat to everyone I match with or chat with on servers but everyone just starts ignoring me eventually no matter how much effort I put in.
I'm sorry for venting, I'm just so perplexed. How do you guys do it? How do you just.. find friends? Girlfriends? People who actually want to give you a chance? Going out places, going to groups, church, people with similar interests- none of it has worked for me so far. I don't know what to do. I'm 20 and I haven't even begun my life, and I feel like my being trans is what's holding me back. I'd just pretend to be a cis girl, but that would be worse than hell for me. I live in Melbourne, Victoria. Maybe it's just the people here. I really don't know.
submitted by discostew44 to ftm [link] [comments]


2020.10.18 10:27 SomeWriter1234 Sissy Evolution V

Before I start this new episode, I must say that from now on, in this part of my life, there were much more psychological facts than physical facts. I mean, whenever a sexual act occurred, I will describe it as accurately as I can, but I must advise that they will be much less frequent than the mind games that happened. So, there will be much more explanations about the events that led to the act than to the act itself. If it is not something that you enjoy reading, feel free to leave it now. And spoiler alert: there will be no sex in this edition.
A few regular years passed by after those exciting events from my teen years. It was 2005 now and I was living alone at another city. I was spending most of my day working as a horse to pay my bills. I did not have much free time and I was slowly losing contact with most of my old mates, including my ass virginity taker friend.
Of course, I made new friends and met lots of other people and during those years I even dated some girls. I thought that those events from my adolescence had been out of curiosity and were gone in the past and I would never have any experience like that again. The truth is that the seed had been planted by my friend. Quite deep I must say.
At that point my few free hours in the day were spent mostly navigating on the internet. I had lots of interests at that time and of course porn was one of them. I liked regular vanilla porn and the amateur movies were the ones that excited me the most. But then I found a website, which was quite new by that time. It was like a porn Facebook where you could post your pictures and have them liked and commented by others. Nothing unusual for today but at that time it was the only one in my country so lots of people were using it.
One day I was scrolling my feed and one picture caught my attention. There was a man fucking a woman in missionary position while her husband was beside her holding her hand. It was the first time that I was knowing about cuckolding and I was immediately hooked. I spent a long time watching that picture and then I liked it, not even noticing who posted it. After I scrolled my feed a little more, another picture of the same woman showed. Now she was riding another guy while her husband was showed on a mirror as he was taking the picture. My cock was very hard and I never knew that that kind of thing existed. Later on, I found out that they were a very known cuckold couple but I had never heard about them before. I liked the picture and kept going.
The next picture that showed up was a known theme by me but not something that particularly caught my attention. There was a very hot woman, with big breasts and a nice ass but with a huge dick between her legs. It was weird to find that attractive but as horny as I already was, I liked the picture. Not long after that a chat popped up for me. It was the guy who posted those three pictures that I had liked. He thanked me for liking his pictures and we started to chat. I just liked to watch the pictures and I had never posted anything myself so he did not know what kind of thing I liked. I liked his way of talking and he seemed a very nice guy. I thought it would be nice to be friends with him. Soon after that we were already chatting on Messenger. Yes, that was the top chatting software at the time.
He lived in the metropolis, about 30-45 minutes from me, depending on traffic. He was a very keen guy and must have sensed my potential for a sissy. Even I had not noticed that in me at that time. He sent lots of other pictures to me and asked what I liked about them. Among them he sent lots of cuckold and shemale pictures, which were the ones that made me hornier. Those chats kept going on for several days but each day he would know more about me and would know exactly what to say to make me hornier.
At some point I started getting more curious about him too. He had already confessed me that shemales were what made him hornier but I felt like he was not telling me everything. Until one day we were both kinda drunk, each one at our houses, and I asked him what was his kink, what he was hiding from me. He hesitated for a while but I insisted so he told me. He said that he loved shemales but he loved even more turning guys into them. I heard that a little astonished as I never heard anyone saying that. In fact, to that point I had never thought about the transformation. I could just imagine those beautiful women having been born like that and with a cock attached.
He confessed me that he had just one experience like that before but it changed his life. He met a boy some years ago and they started dating. They had amazing sex but the boy said that he would like to be more feminine. He offered himself to help him and they did that together. Over the years they researched together on hormones, exercises and treatments to turn him into a perfect woman. He told me that in the end they both were quite pleased with the result and he had never seen a woman as beautiful as his old boyfriend. Yet, after all those years and mood changes, their relationship had deteriorated to a point where they could no longer live together, so they had to break up.
It was a beautiful and sad story. I did not push him into telling me much more since I felt that it was still recent and hurting on him. We did some jokes to change the heavy mood and he told me that he was feeling quite ashamed for telling me about his homo relationship. I felt myself in the obligation of telling him that I had had one too. I described him in details all my experiences with my friend, from the first time that I wanked him to the only time that he put all his cock inside me.
It really changed the mood of that conversation into a hot one. He got really horny by reading all the details that I was writing him and he asked me a lot of questions meanwhile. It was the first time that we spent all night long chatting. It was nearly morning when I noticed and we both went to sleep quite horny.
From there on, our conversations would always end up around that theme. He also confessed me that my description made him so horny that he could not think about anything else. He said that if he was my friend, he would have done it very differently. He likes much more to play it mentally than physically. That got me intrigued and I did not know at that time how that would be. Later on, I found out.
He told me that he does not like to just fuck someone like my friend did. He liked to tease them to make them want to be fucked by him. He enjoyed much more to see the pleading look on the sissy face than actually fucking her. It made me curious and horny at the same time. The more I heard about it the more I wanted to experience it. He knew exactly how to bring the submissive side in me and make me desiring to experience that.
I must say that to that point I had never seen his cock. We exchanged personal pictures but always clothed. Yet, he was making me willing to see him naked and that curiosity was only making me to want it more. He knew that he had me when I openly asked for a picture of his cock one day. He replied that I did not deserve it yet.
By then, I was completely addicted to chatting to him and he could make me hornier than any porn that I could watch on the internet just by talking to me. When we were not chatting, I was thinking about the things he said to me. I thought all the time about how he could change me, how I would look after, what could happen… I could hardly concentrate at work anymore and after so many years from the experiences with my friend I remembered how it was feeling like that again.
One day, when I could not stand it anymore, I did what he already knew that I was going to do anytime: I asked him to change me. I wanted to be his sissy.
submitted by SomeWriter1234 to SissyTales [link] [comments]


2020.10.17 17:30 robgod50 Never too late to start biking

I've read several posts about others experiences so I decided to share my bike story with anyone who was interested. (My first post on reddit.... hope this is within the rules!)
I'd always wanted a bike since I was a teen (in the 1980's) - dream's of a big, full-faired racer, looking cool. But, as often is the case, other things happened in my life (wife, kids, mortgage etc.) and before I knew it, the dream had faded away.
About 7 years ago, I started a new job and several guys I worked with (around my age) were bikers. Chatting to these guys - I really wanted a bike again......but time passed by so quick and I wasn't doing anything about it.
That changed abruptly in August last year. I distinctly remember the moment when, one evening while driving home on my own and thinking about bikes.....when I suddenly thought "What the F*** am I waiting for?".
I call it an epiphany. Everyone else called it my mid-life crisis. I guess it was both. I just suddenly thought I'm a month away from being 50.... my time is literally running out. So I decided in that moment that I was going to do it.
To ride a bike in the UK, you have to do basic training (CBT) first, then there are 3 parts to getting a full motorcycle license. Theory test, mod 1 & mod 2.
By my 50th birthday in September 2019, I had my CBT, my first ever helmet, jacket, boots and I bought myself an 8 year old YBF125. I planned to spend a few months on the 125 then do my full test in the Spring. It was my 50th challenge - pass my test and be a biker at 50.
All was going according to plan. Did my theory test in December, started the training in Feb with my Mod 1 completed in early March.
Just one more hurdle...... The Mod 2 test - but that's when it all started to go wrong. Got a call ON THE MORNING OF MY TEST to say it was cancelled as the examiner was ill.
The following week, the whole country was in COVID Lockdown. All tests cancelled until further notice. Couldn't believe my bad luck.
A few months later, which felt like an eternity, the test centres opened again and I managed to get one of the first dates available. But after a few months without practice, I was a bit rusty and a bit nervous..... I failed, damn it. (Didn't do a shoulder check on a roundabout) Can't complain ....it's for my own safety and I learnt from it.
Immediately I booked another test for July....which seemed like another eternity to wait. Test day came and I was still pretty nervous but feeling mildly confident. Here's what happened....
Less than five minutes into the test, I am approacing some green traffic lights. As I got closer , they change to amber. A split second decision - stop or just go through. I'm on a test - so the right thing is to stop right? Unfortunately, that split second decision was wrong - I braked too hard and it was deemed too dangerous Sometimes, luck is just not with you.... If that light had changed just 1 second later, I wouldn't have stopped. So I felt pretty annoyed with myself.
After a few weeks of feeling low about it, I decided to give it one more try - these re-tests are not cheap! When I called to book another test, the first available date was September. The day before my 51st birthday!
By now, I'm not so nervous. It was a sunny hot day and very little traffic on the roads. Everything was perfect and finally, I passed ....and I was still 50. Mission accomplished.
I remember the feeling I had 33 years ago, passing my driving test. Getting that feeling again at 50 is pretty bloody good.
That was a month ago. At the time, I told myself I'd get a new bike next Spring.......but who was I kidding. 5 days after I passed my test, I bought my first proper bike..... an all-black 2012 Suzuki VStrom 650. It's not sporty and doesn't have the fairings but it's perfect for me and I can't get enough of riding it. I've got 30 years to catch up on!
(Here it is..... http://imgur.com/gallery/uN5qUdX )
Don't give up on your dreams!
submitted by robgod50 to motorcycles [link] [comments]


2020.10.16 18:39 CrimmsonWind Big ol' post. How I went about researching top surgery (and to some degree, my identity), therapy, experience with parents, early life and signs, etc. I found personal accounts to be helpful when I was starting to look into things, so here's my contribution.

My therapist keeps telling me that it's good for people to know what's possible, both bad and good. I've been lucky in a lot of areas and I didn't want to post about it because I don't want people to feel bad. But she keeps telling me that hope is an important tool for people so, if this is upsetting, blame her lol.
First some context and personal info about me. I'm nonbinary, but I lean and present masculine. I'm not on hormones. After wanting it for roughly 15 years, I got top surgery this year at the ripe old age of 29 (kidding about being old--sort of. I think this sub tends to skew pretty young, so I feel old compared to a lot of you lol).
I am so sorry about the length of this. I tried to break it down into chunks so if you want to skip headers you can.
Quick TL;DR Timeline:

Early Stuff

Until ~puberty~ and the dreaded body changes, gender was largely not something I thought about. I knew people tended to fit someone into either male or female, and I knew people viewed me as female and treated me as such, but it's not something I felt strongly about for myself at all. Puberty wound up sending me into a bit of an existential crisis. I hated my breasts. I hated how they made my shirts fit weird, I hated how people treated me differently if they were sort of on display, I constantly felt like I was smuggling a pair of grapefruits around.
My grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 50, and had a mastectomy. I was like, holy shit? I WISH I WOULD GET BREAST CANCER SO THEY'D HAVE TO CUT OFF MY BOOBS! Yes, in retrospect, holy fuck that is an awful way to go about it. At the time I didn't know you could just like... get surgery. My only experiences with surgery were emergency situations, so I thought something had to be immediately, grievously, life-threateningly wrong in order to get surgery.
So I carried that ungodly wish around for a good several years. Yikes.
At the time I also hadn't heard of the term "nonbinary" and it was also really eating at me. "Woman" absolutely felt wrong, but "Man" didn't quite feel right either. I used to joke about feeling like a shapeless amoeba and being happy like that. But there was no way that was valid... right?? Obviously I was wrong, I found out about different gender identities and was much happier in that regard.
It may sound weird or look the same on the outside, but a lot of my masculine traits and tendencies are less about actually being masculine but really more about being less feminine. I know it looks the same from the outside but internally, it was an important distinction for me.
Still hated having boobs, tho.

Parents??

This is one of the areas I really lucked out on, and the biggest thing I didn't want people to feel bad about. When it comes to my identity (and unrelated to this but my sexuality as well) my parents have been, well, remarkably chill.
My dad has always been tuned into my social media, so he already knew everything and ultimately was the one who was like "what are you waiting for? Schedule an appointment already!" I had to bring him to a therapy appointment once to talk about surgery strategy, and he basically said "parents who can't support their kids unconditionally shouldn't be parents" without missing a beat so that was nice. Otherwise he basically just lets me take the lead. Let him know what I need from him, and he'll do it.
My mom I was definitely more worried about, though it turned out to be pretty unfounded. My mom and I haven't had the greatest history. It basically boils down to a clash in personalities. I was a pretty shy kid, she was always pushy about it, and neither of us handled my Moody Teenager-ness well. Things have improved a lot since I became an adult and since I started antidepressant/antianxiety meds. I also had to bring her to a therapy appointment to talk about surgery recovery strategy, where it turns out she always knew about my identity in some way, she was just waiting for me to tell her myself. And then she was all hands on deck. She checked in with me after every pre-op and post-op appointment, she asked if there was anything she needed to do or buy, she dug up a bunch of her current husband's old button-ups for me to wear post-op, she stayed with me at the hospital and took me home, etc.
There was never any weirdness or questioning from either of them. I knew my dad would be chill, I was always worried about my mom though, but it was all a pleasant surprise.

Researching Top Surgery (and Therapy)

Thanks to the internet and places like Tumblr, I was introduced to the concept of gender affirming surgeries. I was initially skeptical that I qualified (the good ol' "am I trans enough??" question) but the more I read personal accounts and stories from people, the more I realized that I did indeed fit the bill.
But I was working at CVS at the time, had no health insurance, was (and still am) paying off student loans... it just wasn't going to happen at that time. So for 5 years I did nothing. Just plucked away at life.
Then I got a new job with actual health insurance. Interest renewed. It would still be a couple of years before I even called to make a consultation but, I started looking into everything again.
So I came up with a list of questions and goals that needed to be answered and researched:
I would like to emphasize, I knew NOTHING about insurance going into this. But honestly, it's not that difficult. Go through it slowly, google any terms you don't know or understand, and don't be afraid to call or email your insurance to ask even the stupidest of questions. It's their job to answer your questions.
First, I found my insurance's policy for "Gender Affirming Services (Transgender Services)" which is its official title within my insurance. I read it several times, and in my case I was glad that the language avoided sticking strictly to the binary, because I was worried I wouldn't qualify. They used phrases like "gender identity other than that assigned at birth." I actually just looked at it now and it's been updated even further to be even more inclusive, which is nice. It has a list of services and surgeries that are covered, along with any requirements. I saved the pdf, as well as printed it and stuck it in a big 3-ring binder that would become my go-to resource.
Next I started looking at surgeons that accepted my insurance, and whose results and reviews seemed good enough for me. Transbucket was still working at the time, so I went through the images and wrote a list of surgeons down. I live in NY, which has a few good but long-waitlisted surgeons, so to keep things a little less complicated I decided to narrow the list down to NY surgeons. I read some sketchy things about Mt. Sinai's surgeons at the time, so I decided to nix them from the list. Ultimately I decided to go with Dr. Bluebond-Langner with NYU Langone. Knowing there was going to be a long wait to deal with the rest of my prep, I called to schedule a consult pretty much immediately after I made my choice. The consult wound up being a year later, so that gave me time and a concrete deadline to work toward.
Call date: January 2018
Consult date: January 2019
NYU Langone sent me a pretty comprehensive packet of info, including some requirements for getting surgery. Mainly it was a diagnosis of gender dysphoria and letter from a therapist, which would also cover my insurance requirements.
So my next step was finding a suitable therapist. I had already read about the long wait times between consults and surgery, so I didn't immediately jump into therapy. There was a long stretch of just doing nothing.
Initially I started out by using the "find a provider" tool on my insurance website to try and find a therapist, but it wasn't really getting me anywhere. BCBS's various websites suck ass. After having some initial talks with a few therapists, I found out it's kind of annoying for them to work with insurance in NY, so they work out of network but provide the receipts and codes for you to submit a claim on your own.
So instead I started by searching "WPATH therapist [location]" and scoped out the results. They weren't necessarily registered with WPATH, but they were at least familiar with it and that was the important factor, for me. I reached out to them explaining who I was, what my identity was, and that I was seeking a diagnosis and letter so that I could get top surgery. I told them that I was absolutely okay if they were uncomfortable with this and did not want to continue.
Everyone responded kindly and was down for it, but I was put off by the short responses from some of them or the informal abbreviations. In any other normal everyday situation I absolutely would not care, but I had taken the time to write this formal email where I basically bared my deepest secrets to them, and getting back a "k" was like... nah man. This ain't it.
Except one woman who responded with the kind of thoughtfulness and care I was expecting, and seemed like a perfect fit. I love her to death and I'm still having sessions with her on a regular basis.
Therapy start: May 2019
It was my first time being in therapy at all. Some of it was about my identity, some of it was just general life stuff, but she's great at guiding things along and she's not afraid to ask me if that's what I really think or if I'm just saying what I think she wants me to say, stuff like that. Also I've slipped out a few curses in front of her (I curse a LOT in casual conversation) so it's pretty funny when your therapist isn't afraid to say "fuck" in front of you now.
In November 2019 we worked on and finalized my letter. She had me read it a dozen times before I signed off on it, and we made sure all the pertinent info and requirements were in, including the diagnosis code for gender dysphoria. She faxed it over to the hospital and also gave me a copy. Ultimately the letter was good for one year but she made it clear that she would absolutely change the date and resubmit it if my surgery date wound up falling past that point.
A big source of my info on surgery, recovery, and good stuff to have around has come from blog posts and from this sub. You have been invaluable. It was good to see the gamut of recoveries from "ridiculously smooth" to "absolute hell" and help me plan for the worst case (which thankfully wasn't necessary).

The World's Longest Home Stretch AKA Approaching Surgery

Consult in January 2020 finally arrived. I was in the waiting room longer than I was actually in any part of the consult lmao. Dr. Bluebond-Langner is nice and great, let me be clear. But for her it was just another Tuesday, so she was basically just blasting right along and asking me questions while taking measurements of my chest. I had some questions and she was happy to answer but I was also just kind of nervous and caught up in the expediency of the whole process, so it was all done in like, 3 minutes.
Then the photographer team took photos of me shirtless in several positions and angles. Super, duper weird and awkward but they were extremely nice and professional, and pretty made it as un-weird as possible.
The good news is that they have a stellar patient portal where you can ask questions pretty much whenever you want, and they also sent me another email and another physical packet of information which largely covered anything I forgot to ask in my stupor.
About 3 days later I got my surgery date.
Surgery date: August 2020
Obviously COVID has been a hell of a thing. Appointments were pushed back, masks were worn, hand sanitizer was applied judiciously, temperatures were taken at doorways. I waited with bated breath to see if my appointment would be rescheduled. Thankfully I lucked out big time and hospitals started doing non-emergency surgeries again before my date came up, so they called and told me I was still on for August.
I had to have an appointment with my Primary Care Physician (PCP) and explain that I was having surgery and I was going to need a bunch of tests done, and the results sent to the hospital. My doctor's office is a teaching office, so I basically had to come out to my PCP and the student shadowing her, but it was all chill. My doctor told me that she has several trans patients now and they're seeing an increase in people who are more comfortable to come out, which is nice. So she was 100% down to do whatever tests the hospital needed.
In practice, getting the results in and to the hospital on time was a bit of a pain in the ass. I think technically several of my results were late but it didn't screw me over. The tests had to be done within a certain window before surgery (not too early, basically) but the processing took forever on a couple of them, and I had to ask and triple check with the doctor's office a few times because the hospital was still missing a couple of them. It was a bit of unnecessary stress leading up to surgery lol.
PTO scheduled, bag packed, took a train into the city for surgery.

Surgery Experience

First off, everyone at the hospital was super nice the entire time I was there.
You're not allowed to eat or drink after midnight the night before. That night I woke up every hour from a nightmare that I had accidentally eaten something.
I showed up in sweats and a hoodie, got my patient wrist band (with my preferred name!) and then waited for what felt like an eternity while my mom and I chatted.
Someone came and got me, I had to brush my teeth and use mouthwash (something about cutting down on possible infection), had me pee in a cup one last time, and gave me a gown. My mom was allowed to join me in the "staging area" where other people were stationed and waiting for their surgeries to start. It was just a lot of taking vitals, starting the IV, people introducing themselves to you and what their role was going to be in your surgery, Dr. Bluebond-Langner marking up my chest and asking me how I was feeling.
It was the most chill hospital experience I have ever had. Granted all of my other experiences were like, emergency room visits where things were much more hectic. This was all planned out, everyone was relaxed, everything was fine.
After that, one big nap. The last thing I remember was getting up on the table and apologizing for being in the way while someone said "don't be sorry, you're the star of the show, we're all here for you" and then I was out like a light.
Next time I woke up I was in the recovery wing, where they stash you before they bring you to your permanent room. Initially, I was pretty dizzy and out of it, but I was definitely waking up. They were getting ready to move me, so I had to stand up, but I somehow managed to pull one of the drain bulbs out (NOT the tube that was in my body, thank god) so I looked like I was in a horror movie with a big puddle of blood on my side lol. They had me swap gowns.
While this was going on and I was standing up, it was the only time I felt bad. I felt sick and I told someone I think I needed to sit down. As soon as I sat down in the wheelchair I immediately felt better, and they were ready to wheel me to my room.

Post-Op in the Hospital

Dr. Bluebond-Langner keeps people overnight, so I stayed the night in the hospital.
This is another area where I feel a little bad, but my recovery has been pretty stellar and apparently I'm part Wolverine from X-Men because doctors and nurses keep telling me that I'm healing really well. Almost immediately, I was fairly mobile. The anesthesia hasn't really hung around. I was walking city blocks upon city blocks to my post-op appointments, and I'd say maybe about 1 month post-op I really started getting my range of motion back in my arms. I'm a little over 2 months now post op and can fully raise my arms over my head, etc. My pain management was also basically nonexistent. I used some extra strength tylenol for a few days until I forgot to take it, realized I didn't really seem to need it, and just stopped from thereon out.
STILL NO LIFTING THOUGH! Everyone is adamant about that.
After my initial hiccup with the anesthesia, it wore off pretty fast. I was up and able to walk laps around the hospital without issue. The nurse taking care of me had to keep telling me to slow down. I was wide awake, chatting and eating full meals (side note: the hospital food there was REALLY GOOD). I was able to get in an out of bed on my own, I started stripping my own drains (scared the crap out of the nurse who just saw someone moving behind my door and didn't realize I was able to do it on my own).
A few times throughout my stay, either Dr. Bluebond-Langner herself or someone on her team would come by and undo my compression vest to check things out and make sure there were no issues.
If I had one complaint, it's the IV fluids. I had to pee CONSTANTLY.
My mom stayed with me until the end of visiting hours, chatting and doing her own work, occasionally helping me reach things, flagging down a nurse when I had to pee for the hundreth time, etc.
Otherwise, I was discharged the next morning. The Uber ride and subsequent train ride home were pretty smooth. I was worried that every little bump would kill me, but the tightness of the compression vest kept everything pretty secure.

Recovery at Home

I was pretty self-sufficient. We had already moved a bunch of water glasses onto the counter for easy access, and I had a bunch of reasonably healthy easy-cook food ready to go. I had an adjustable incline pillow for sleeping on my back and keeping me somewhat elevated, coupled with a neck pillow and a total blackout sleep mask. My dog kept me company.
Sleeping is honestly probably the worst part. I am very much a side and stomach sleeper. And although my recovery was pretty smooth, surgery is still surgery and I found it difficult to get a good, restful sleep through the general uncomfortableness.
Showering and bathing was probably the second worst part. Taking a shallow bath was definitely easier but I basically couldn't get really clean because I was constantly worried about accidentally pulling the drains, or getting something wet.
Part of my dismissal included a packet with a calendar for measuring and recording my drains. I tried to do that at about 9am and 9pm every day to keep an even 12 hour spread. I'm not a particularly squeamish person, but even I initially was a bit grossed out by the contents of the drains. I got used to it after a couple of days, though.
My drains were, mercifully, not painful or irritated at the drain sites. The only issue I had was a VERY small hematoma on my right side, down where the drain actually starts in your body. Emptying my drains on that side started to produce a slightly painful pinching feeling in that spot, and putting pressure on it would hurt a bit. I contacted the surgeon's office about it, and they gave me the option to come in, or just ride it out and let it reabsorb itself. I chose to leave it alone, and it started feeling better after a few days.
I had several post-op appointments, 1 each week after surgery for 3 weeks. First week was just a checkup, nothing super notable to be honest. Basically just a "holy crap you're only one week out? I would not have guessed, you're walking around just fine."
At 2 weeks, we took the drains out. Thank god, because I went back to work the next day and really needed a proper shower. I still had to keep the compression vest on, but I was at least allowed to take it off and wash it. That thing was rank. And I was allowed to wear deodorant.
At 3 weeks, I was officially allowed to take the vest off. They showed me how to do scar massaging, they did a quick draining of some fluid in both of my sides (in Dr. Bluebond-Langner's own words, she was being "nitpicky" about it because it was a minor amount, but figured she might as well just do it while I was there), made me promise I'd keep moisturizing my nipple scabs, and said they'll see me in a month.
The scabs fell off eventually by the way. I think one fell off at like 3 weeks, the other at 4. Yes, it looks terrifying. No, they didn't die. Yes, it's normal. It is weird to see the very pink, fresh skin underneath but that's normal.
Now I just oil up my scars with bio-oil every day and massage as part of my morning routine. I already made a previous post about my scars being hypertrophic and how I'm fine with that, and it might be hard to believe when you see hypertrophic scars, but they look and feel much better now than they did, and they're only going to keep getting better.
I was using the silicone strips, but my scars kinda go up near my arm pits and when I get sweaty at work, it makes them come loose. I was taping those parts but the tape irritates my skin, so I just stopped trying to make that work for now.

Closing

So that's where I'm at now. I feel much, much better. I stand taller instead of hunching over to try and hide my chest. I'm probably a lot older than a lot of folks in here who probably can't even imagine waiting until nearly 30 to get to some of these points. I guess if there's a takeaway it's 1) sometimes surgery goes pretty smoothly and 2) your life doesn't end if you don't transition before 18.
I THINK it's pretty comprehensive in here but, if there's a particular question you have about something feel free to ask.
submitted by CrimmsonWind to ftm [link] [comments]


2020.10.16 03:46 justanotheracount150 Warcraft Stalker

I live in New England, and Salem is a huge tourist attraction up here. I used to go every year with my parents, my parents were christian, but my mom dabbled in wicca for fun. My dad would get upset about us seeing her books, but my mom raised as a southern baptist, never really defined herself by one religion, she always seemed to believe them all, even ancient religions, she was a big fan of Egyptian history. She was also a psychiatrist, and found every religion had a form of healing mentally which is why she studied many religions in the first place. Most of her documented work was about the fine line between healthly way of health through religion and creating harmful dillusion. She worked with trouble teens.
Every year we would go see this one phychic as my mom really liked her. She liked her ability to read people on a phycology level more so than magical. We would explore the historical parts of Salem for my dad who's interests have always been math and history, few degrees in engineering and math but one in history because he could. He would teach us the history during daylight hours and at night my mom would take us around to the creepy mystery and magical stuff.
This divide often left us with only my mom at night as my dad would sleep in the car to prepare for the hours long drive home. At the point this starts I was 15. I played online videogames, and just got into World of Warcraft, as a female I got a lot of weird attention. (Frame of reference I'm 30 now). It was the last year we'd visit Salem as my mom was getting sick, though I didn't know it yet. I told my guild I was going to Salem and one guy chimed in he lived near it and would love to meet me. I explained I was going to be with my parents and be weird if some guy I never met showed up, and thought nothing more.
I played with my two older brothers and they were in the same guild, neither of them said anything either. What I didn't know is this guy was actually Facebook friends with my brother, and I just joined facebook, as it was recently opened to high school students too. I didn't know but he knew what we looked like.
So the day arrived, we packed up for day trip to Salem, we were excited as usual as both my parents always took extra care to make the trip exciting. And my brother brought his new girlfriend, and other brother brought his best friend I had a huge crush on. We didn't get to do much as a family as my brothers were in college and my parents worked a lot. Non of us knew the day would be much scarier than jump scares and spooky stories.
We did our usual routine there, showed off our costume, got tasty food from venders and just having a good time. My mom at the time was taking our younger brother who was 9 to do the kiddie stuff so I wondered off with my brothers. For those who've never been to Salem it's mostly the down town and turned into a giant witchy fair basically but with historical building instead of barns. My parents gave us 100$ each to go shopping and have fun, my oldest brother bought beer and let me try it but it was gross lol so I got some apple cider. My dad had gone to the car and my brother was commenting on all the hot girls with his friend, and my other brother distracted with his new girlfriend. I had no friends in high school so I just sat alone on a rock wall near by as they chatted and played around.
I decided to go off and get a snack and these fake tattoo art near by. My brothers girlfriend said she join me soon and stay at the artist if I finish early (leave it to a girl to be maternal I guess lol). As I ate my apple fritter in line someone tapped me on the shoulder, I immediately thinking it was my brother and his girlfriend turned around to find a 20 something year old, nerdy obese guy with curly long greasey hair standing over a foot taller than me. He was wearing a Warcraft II shirt and he greeted me and asked me if I played WoW.
I assumed he was looking at my backpack which I drew all over, and it had World of Warcraft written on it. I always carried my backpack with my laptop and full of sketching supplies as I get bored easily. (Ps laptop I had back then was 2000$ hp and heavy as hell)
He explained he played too, and was excited to meet a girl who played WoW. Going to a small school myself the only people I knew who played WoW were my brothers, their friends and their friends younger brothers, who weren't my friends. Despite not having friends, I was a friendly extrovert (I lost popularity due to a fall out with friends where I was made out to be bad person, long story) so I greeted him kindly as I would anyone. Honestly I just got the vibe he was looking for a friend, currently lost all my friends (in a small school of 200 people total for all highschool, it's easy to have your whole grade of 54 people against you, it was a prep school too so clicks were absolutely toxic). I felt sympathy for him as it sucked not having friends, and I was absolutely more vunable as result of losing all my friends and having and entire school hate me.
So we chatted, I didn't even pick up creepy vibes until he mentioned my brothers names. It seemed like a mistake as he tried to cover it up after. Only then I started feeling nervous and it showed. Stupid me just kept nodding to his questions but I had chills, too much to answer anymore verbally. As it was my turn to get a fake tattoo, the lady doing my tattoo obviously saw my discomfort and whispered if I was ok. I didn't want to say anything so I simply shrugged.
Immediately this guy goes off, asking what she wispered to me. A huge red flag went off, as he became possessive of me, saying stuff like I should talk about people behind their backs and it is rude. He said something along the lines of me being a tease and stormed off after bike cops started coming over to see why this guy was yelling.
Now wouldn't that be a fine ending? I wish...
The cops asked who he was, I told them I didn't know him. They asked me my age and name ect, and the lady quickly finished up my tattoo and rejected my payment as I was swifty taken away by police to a tent they had set up. There I called my mom who rushed over like the end of the world happened. I got scolded of all things and my brothers were about to get their butts handed to them on a platter. She was told by the female officer that a man had been harassing me, and it was lucky they showed up (FYI cops are in plenty around Salem especially in October)
About 30 minutes had passed by the time I met up with my mom and creepy guy stormed off. She frantically called my brothers but neither picked up. My mom was fuming so I ran over and bought her apple cider (family thing) and seemed to cool her off a bit while we looked for my brothers.
So after another 30+ minutes she sees my brother and his girlfriend frantically looking for me around the tattoo booth I was originally at. Anndddd off my mom went, left behind hold my baby brothers hand. Least the confused look on his face made me smile.
My mom is overly protective of me as we lost my little sister 11 years before this due to choking. She was a baby and choked while no one was looking. So she would get extra mad on my account, going as far to get a teacher (rightfully) fired for keeping me in class during an asthma attack from an idiot spraying perfume in my face. (Another teacher over heard and pulled me out of class). But not without embarrassing me by screaming at her during school hours.
So here my mom screening at my brother and his girlfriend for being "wreckless". My moms worst nightmare is kidnapping, prob as are most parents. It was quite the scene honestly, but I tried to focus on my baby brother and make him laugh instead. He was everything to me those days anyways, now he's a pretty rude and mean but different events transpired to turn him from sweet kid to mean adult.
I didn't think about where my other brother went till the drama unfolding I guess lured him and his friend to my mom. But as he was walking to my mom to seemingly break up the fight (he was always the calm one) I saw creepy WoW guy in tow with him and his friend... I simply did what every dumb sheltered girl does...I froze. My brother calmed my mom down and eventually told my mom the "creepy man" was his friend from videogames, and was just making sure I was safe since I was seemingly alone.
Durring all this time, I guess he found my brother and spun the story to being a white knight though at the time I was simply clueless to that level of manipulation... My mom turned around to ... Thank him and said sorry for the misunderstanding. They all talked for what seemed like forever but eventually My baby brother pulled me out of my frozen state by needing to pee.
I took him to the bathroom after telling my mom, honestly I was just stunned and didn't think people would believe a 15 year old over a college student. But suddenly this creepy guy runs up to me and my baby brother saying he can take him to the boys room so he doesn't have to go to the icky girls room, as an apology for "catching me off guard, he was just worried about me"...
Idk why but I yelled at him simply " no, he's going with me". I think that's where cogs started moving for my mom, that this guy wasn't all there. My little brother insisted on going to the boys room now though but thankfully my oldest brother stepped in to take him...but creepy wow guy followed in saying he had to go pee anyways, that's all.
I think my mom picked up on my discomfort after this and asked if I wanted to join my dad in the car. Honestly I wanted to but I also really wanted to see a certain tent we passed by before and we still didn't see my mom's phychic yet. So we gathered back up as a family and creepy guy tagged along to see a few more things and wrap the day up with my mom's phychic. In one store I saw a cool dragon statue that was two dragons in a heart shape written on it "eternal love" but it was 200+$ and didn't really go with my pink room with cat figurines and real cats everywhere. I simply thought it was cool.
Creepy guy kept asking me small questions about my school every so often and WoW. But the one that stuck out to me that only my brothers friend overhead was if I liked anyone at school or had a boyfriend yet. My brothers friend actually was a senior at my school, my brother a freshman in college. He chimed in saying "idk but she's going to prom with me" (we actually ended up going to prom together long after this as friends under strange series of events, but at the time we never talked nor had any plans to go to prom together)
I think a light bulb turned on for him and saw that this guy was creeping on me. At this point we knew his age and he was 27 in community college (no judgement for those going to community college or older in college) but was a red flag as he bragged how he's was wealthy, how he turned down Yale and was going to graduate top of his college and so on. And my brothers friend was very uncomfortable with a 27 year old asking a 15 year old about her love life. (My brothers friend was 17)
But being dumb teens we never made a point to tell my mom or my brothers. We just bottled it up I guess. (I won't lie though, I crushed harder on him after this)
We got done with the phychic and we headed back to the car to my dad as Mr WoW creep tagged along. By the time we reached the car my mom had tried to get him to say bye a few times but he insisted he parked the same way as us... It should of been a red flag but we were all tired from walking all day. At the car he gave me that 200$ statue, I never saw him buy it, I think he stole it truthfully. My mom kinda just said it was nice of him and he didn't have to. But I could tell she thought it was weird.
Eventually we make it to the car and he insisted on "meeting the daddy of such a wonderful family". Now that gave us all a chill down our backs. My dad stands at 6ft 9inches and by no means someone you mess with. He did college football for two years till chiche injury took him out, he limps a lot more now that he's in his late 50s due to it. My mom and I are only 5ft 2, so it's quite a difference considering only 18 year old brother is the tallest brother standing 6ft compared to my dad, were all small lol. My dad one of those guys who always dress in a suit too, typical business man. Our family was well off due to both my parents being well paid professionals, idk why my dad always wore suits though even on holliday. But it definitely made him more intimidating to this nerd guy who before this projected confidence.
My dad immediately picked up on my discomfort as this guy mentioned my name and saying "oh and with (my name) you raised such a beautiful daughter too" after he was done saying how nice my dad's family was and bragging how his sons are great blah. Now my dad's not just an engineer for fighter jets but a business man and boss so he handles himself with decorum... usually (unless it's with his friends and they're joking around).
My father responded to him sternly, probably make most people freeze, because he has a really deep authority voice (FYI sucks when you're his kid cuz that voice is truely scary when you're in trouble). That same voice he uses when we've done something wrong he projected on this guy saying "if you would please back away, I'd like to take OUR family home" pointing at my mom. My dad was conservative but he gave full credit to anyone who worked hard regardless or sex religion, color or status, and was apparently already peeved by him constantly saying it was my dad's family. When my mom puts just as much effort and money into it. But mentioning me and creepy vibe was my dad's last straw.
He kept saying goodbye and he'd see us online.... Waving till we were out of sight.
So yeah still not the end... Sorry, in the car we joked a little how weird he was but quickly cheered up with food and tv.
If you've ever been to Salem or most any historical towns in New England, bunch of one way streets and maze to get anywhere in center of town. In this time a car eventually got behind us that took every turn we did. Everyone but my dad was too tired to notice, we were eating treats, and watching TV with VCdvd my dad installed in the back (honestly was pretty cool back then). While we watched scary cartoons recorded off cartoon network about an hour away from home I noticed my mom and dad whispering, and mumbling stuff. Usually this was my parents "sexy talk", incoherent but usually obvious on body language so at first I wrote it off. Few towns away from home though I noticed the body language as did my brothers wasn't "sexy talk" but stressed and worried. My mom mumbled something about police, and told my dad to pull off the highway to the rest stop.
The car went quite, and we pulled off, my mom got out and my younger older brother asked what was going on as we were probably 20min from home. Wasn't long till we all looked at what my dad was looking at intensely. Old beat up off white dirty car, and in the driver seat was creepy WoW guy and a kinda older druggy looking guy in the passenger seat. The WoW guy quickly leaned back to hide his face as we all turned to look at him, but it was definitely him. My brothers at this point are saying WTF, and trying to figure out stuff as my dad say there silently staring and pissed. My brothers girlfriend was obviously nervous and my other brothers friend was obviously unsettled but both were quite.
My oldest brother opened the car door and got out standing outside the car. My dad yelled at him to get back in and close the door. (I should mention the car we had was a large SUV that was very white that stood out so probably not hard to follow in the dark either).
Eventually cops pull in and WoW guy pulls out with another vehicle following him as the police pull up to my dad's car. Now in an action movie cop probably would of taken off and followed them but he just asked my dad questions which I found disappointing but I guess we had no proof or something. My mom soon joined and my dad got out of the car as they talked and eventually it was all over. We got home and I went straight to bed, my older brothers stayed up a bit talking but I was just worn out and my little brother was already asleep in the car in candy comma, so he was carried in like the rest of day trip luggage.
I usually stayed up till 1-2am on weekends gaming but I couldn't today, plus I had school project to finish the next day, so I fell asleep around 11pm. Around 2am my aim went off, I slept with my lap top on usually (not very environmental but I used it for music to sleep to). It immediately woke me up, anyone old enough to know that aim messenger sound knows it wakes you up. Now my AIM screen name was the same was my character in WoW so easy for ppl to add me.
The request was from someone I didn't recognize yet. I groggly accepted and rolled over but wasn't long before a few messages popped up that I half asleep read. Then my bones went cold, that actually happens when you get scared enough and I felt my body get cold soon after.
Long story short my dad parks the SUV outside as my brothers cars, mom's and dads 4 cars take up the garage.
This guy messaging me was WoW creep, obviously at this point. But he was saying how nice it was to meet me, and now that he knew where I lived he could drive down anytime and we could hang out. He continued on with paragraphs of how he thought I was cool and his sob story. Constantly bouncing between how he liked that such a beautiful girl played videogames to his life is a mess and how successful he is... Like flipping through personalities.
After like 5 + minutes my brain was awake enough to go get my brother. I first went to my oldest brothers room on the third floor but the sounds I heard in there were basically do not disturb...
So I went to my other older brothers room and him and his friend were asleep so I felt guilty. I didn't want to wake up my parents and did a bit I debated just waiting till tomorrow to say something. But I looked outside and chill ran down my back remembering he somehow knew where we lived. It was enough to wake up my brother with tears in my eyes. His friend woke up too as I was telling my brother the guy was messaging me on AIM.
They both take a moment and suddenly thier expression changed from tired to frantic as they both walked fast to my room. As they read though the messages they got to where it said he knew where we lived. My brother said he must of followed us somehow or saw the car outside. Both of them tried to think of ways to handle it, I guess feeling same way and not wanting to wake our parents or trying to be strong. Eventually they both concluded the cops needed to know, but didn't want to call the emergency line so my brother eventually went and woke up my mom. My dad's a heavy sleeper so at first he didn't come into my room. My mom read over the messages anddddd took my lap top away. (Actually took it away for two weeks after this too which sucked).
She went into her bedroom and woke my dad as they talked and my brother and his friend sat in my room trying to comfort me in their own ways. I honestly wasn't as scared as I should of been, mostly because I was way to focused on my crush at the time... We also had 10 cats (my mom rescued animals but in particular cats more, we also had a squirrel, two large dogs, and a owl, all rescues she did, except 5 of the cats were sane litter from a pregnant cat my mom took in) so I had 4 cats in my bed also full of threat reduction skills.
My mom I presume called the non emergency line and printed the messages. My brother and his friend eventually went back to his room and I feel asleep in a pile of purring cats on my bed, so wasn't difficult.
I woke up late, breakfast was done but I heated up leftovers. My alarm clock was my lap top so partly why. I guess my parents thought it best not to wake me as they were gone when I woke up. Infact as I realized everyone was gone. My house was big so was usual not to see anyone for hours... so I didn't even know I was home alone till they all came back. They all went to give statements as my neighbor watched the house and my little brother to make sure creep didn't show up.
From what I know my mom didn't want to involve me much as she was scared of the phycological effects or something of the sort. So many details I only learned from my brothers after my mom passed away. But I guess the searched for the guy but they never found him or the guy in the car with him. According to my dad it was two cars following us, the name he had on Facebook wasn't his real name either so all they had was his one profile picture, that actually wasn't him at all. So he wasn't caught and a patrol car would go down our street couple times a night.
Now it should be the end but again he continued to cause problems. He left the guild (a set group in WoW) shortly after and deleted his character week later. But back then you had no idea who a character was attached to, least these days WoW has account wide messenger so you know your friends list characters and can block accounts. But back then you could only block a character and someone could make a new one, and you'd never know they were the same person unless they said so.
Months later we got a new guild member and non of us ever thought to change our usernames or more. By this time my brothers friend had joined us in WoW and we'd kinda become friends after the drama at school settled down. (Long story short my friends cousin asked me out, we went on a date and he got really handsy (not rape but didn't take no for an answer and the guy working the theater saw and called police, then my mom got involved), my mom reported him to school and he was expelled, and I was then the target of lies and hate as he was really liked at school). Guess my brothers friend heard my side without the lies and decided to be my friend kinda since I didn't have any, more so he felt sorry for me though. But we chatted on WoW and it was obvious I had a huge crush on him, especially as my brothers would point it out in guild to embarrass me. But never did I think I would be manipulated through a crush like this. In short I was catfished into thinking my crush made a secret character to message me.
One day this character message me pretending to be my crush and lovestruck me believed it. For weeks we messaged flirty messages and I was over the moon happy. The person told me he couldn't show it in person as he was scared my brother would stop being his friend. I believed it, I fell into like an idiot... I thought my 15 year old self had a secret relationship with my crush. I was very very wrong.
One night he asked me to meet up with him in town after my parents went to sleep, I told him to pick me up but he didn't want to come near my house in fear my brother would see his car. So he told me to pick a place in town and give him the address. So I did, ... I did.. but luckily for me I had started reconnecting with a girl above my grade, not really friends but not enemy's. I offered to give her 50$ to drive me to place in town (I was one of the richest kids in town and her family lived in a 1 floor house near the highway and wasnt wealthy but not poor. But 50$ was a lot to her so she jumped at the chance despite not really being my friend.
He said he be there at 1am and should give me enough time to "walk there". I didn't even think to tell him I was catching a ride, it was pretty freaking cold so I didn't want to walk. He also said he had a Christmas gift for me and wanted to kiss me so I was over the moon not thinking anything through.
3 hours passed and my ride shows up, I give her the money and it seemed to make her friendly enough that the car ride wouldn't be too awkward. She asks why I need to go out this late in the cold to the park, I told her I was meeting someone from school in secret and I'd give her more money next week if she didn't tell anyone who. I had full awareness that she was involved in a lie or two about me so I was willing to buy her silence if it meant I didn't have to wait out in the cold.
So after less than 10 minute ride we get to the park and I wait for a text. I had newest phone back then and was pretty proud to show it off when the girl drive asked to see it. While we were talking about phones I got a text that said "I'm here".
We both look around and don't see anyone in the park or parking lot. I texted back I didn't see him or his car. I knew what my brothers friend drove as he drove me home a few times. He messaged to go to the other side of the park but again it was cold and I definitely didn't dress for the cold. I told him to come to (girls name) car cuz I wasn't dressed for the cold (with winky face).
He said he didn't want anyone seeing us together so I texted back I bought her silence already. After this slow texting cat and mouse game. It felt weird, but I couldn't understand why I felt off. He messaged me saying he had my gift and wanted to give it to me in private, so I borrowed her jacket and went to the middle of the park where there's always a lit building with bathrooms (they were locked at this hour).
But by standing under the light I lost my distance vision to see in the dark far away. I could see a figure on the other side and an outline of a car. He started walking towards me and my heart was racing with fear and excitement. I decided to walk towards him too, getting close enough not to see his face but the moonlight on his car. My brothers friend drove a black sports car, this car was light grey or white, and not even the same shape, was boxy unlike a sports car.
I stopped walking to stare at it parked on the side of the road trying to make out more details, when I saw a person in the cars driver side. As he got closer you could see his curly hair, my brothers friend did not have curly hair, nor was he puggy.
All I knew at this point the guy waving at me wasn't my brothers friend. I turned point and ran back to the girls car without even thinking, i had no idea what to think but my body just reacted. I got in her car as I slammed the door I caught a glimpse of the guy under the light standing there .... It was creepy WoW guy. He lost a good bit of weight but still not fit, but his hair and face were unique enough that I was pretty certain it was him.
My mind was rushing as the girl asked me what was going on. I couldn't even process it, I was more heartbroken than scared, typically Teenager. I eventually got out that I needed to go home now, and I'd explain as just stood there, then started walking back to his car.
She got out of there fast as I told her he followed us home couple months ago and left me creepy messages. She was obviously scared and checking behind her car religiously. After getting home she asked me what was going on she thought it was " brothers friend". I told her I didn't understand myself, but I was scared. In my mind about a million different reasons came up to make me believe that he hacked my brothers friend character, was less painful. Anything that meant his friend liked me back and it was anything but the obvious.
Afterwards I got inside and cried, felt like my first break up and it was all I could think about. Not my safety but the fact I had thought all this time my crush liked me back but it was a creep instead. I ended up falling asleep on the couch, and the next morning my mom woke me up all worried. I told her everything, bursting out in tears as I felt her body go tense in embrace.
My mom calmed me down then called the police, I was scared they arrest my brothers friend or tell him about the exchange of texts between who I thought was him and i and I begged her not to.
The cops arrived in quite a quick time, but took my phone and lap top. This time it was serious as it was considered attempted kidnapping. I just cried, mourning my relationship that I never really had with my crush. I told them everything, they asked multiple questions over and over too so it was tiring. I ended up missing school that day and the girl who drove me, well she had her own elaborate story that mostly painted me as a liar and I had a ugly older secret boyfriend or something. Just more fuel to the friendless fire.
Well after months they found nothing on the guy and eventually we all put it in the back of our minds. My dad installed a security system and we went on with our lives. I continued to play WoW and other online games. I ended up going to prom with my brothers friend cuz his date cancelled on him and he had a free ticket. We had fun but far as I knew cops never spoke with him.
Eventually I graduated and went off to college, met a guy who played WoW and dated him through college but we broke up after college as I don't want kids. My mom died soon after and all kinda sucked for awhile causing a whole series of events making my baby brothers life troubled. I spent years trying to help him to have it blow up in my face and overall not speaking with my family much at all.
I started streaming on Twitch for WoW and few other games, to pay for extra stuff as I was entry level jobs straight out of college. Was where I started learning make-up and really blossomed realising I was actually a lot more attractive than I gave myself credit, and got really into shape. This part of my life was full of let's not meet stories itself lol but one follower eventually caught my eye as he kept saying something that just made me feel uncomfortable. For about 6 months a guy would join randomly and talk about how smart he was, got into Yale and turned them down.. his troubled life at home and how much he loves Salem Massachusetts at this time of year (fall). But after I met my now boyfriend he stopped showing up.
Part of me wanted to track the guy down but I just wanted to move on with my life.
I currently have a house with my boyfriend of 5 years, 4 cats and a dog. Our anniversary is Halloween, as we met at a Halloween party so kinda when we celebrate. My current boyfriend and play WoW still, on and off along with other games and was a big reason he was attracted to me at the party was my Zelda costume. He is physical my dream guy so was instant match lol. I don't keep any information that can track me on my Facebook, but unfortunately because I own a house the information is out there online. So it's always a fear back of my mind. I still stream and play WoW but much less. My moms phychic was still there too, so I had to. She didn't recognize me to my disappointment but was perceptive enough to say "your fear of your past coming back lingers heavily tonight". I probably looked anxious.
My boyfriend wanted to go to Salem Massachusetts last year as he's never been, and loved my fun stories of my mom and dad there. He took me there as a surprise thinking it would be fun. I had some fun remembering the good times with my mom but the lingering feeling of looking over my shoulder was there.
All the memories came back yesterday when a guy in our guild asked if he could meet up with us in Boston for Halloween as he lives in there and would love to meet us as we told our guild whom we've known most of them for years and many are locals we'd miss an important event in guild due to our anniversary plans in Boston than Salem (though this year were going in basically hassmat suits due to covid, were zombies in hassmat lol). But my blood ran cold as we don't really know this guildie and my first thought was, what if it's him, what if it's creepy WoW guy.
submitted by justanotheracount150 to nosleep [link] [comments]


2020.10.15 01:42 throw_away_00987654 My(27F) boyfriend’s(29M) ex girlfriend (22F) contacted me and told me some disturbing things, what should I do?

TRIGGER WARNING: domestic violence
Oh boy, strap in because this is gonna be a wild ride. My bf and I have been dating for about two months now. This past weekend, we made it “Facebook official” and shared the news with our friends. No less than 10 hours later, I received a message request from a woman who I don’t know, claiming to be bfs ex. I looked at her pictures, and was able to confirm this because there’s one of them holding hands from July of last year. I’m not bothered by this, everyone has a past and tbh, I don’t dig for details that aren’t offered willingly, so I really have no other info about this lady aside from what she posts online.
I opened her message, and it was just...pages and pages of text, telling me that her and bf are still in a relationship (long distance, assumably - because we are in NYC, and she’s in Colorado...), and that he has been physically and sexually abusive towards her, and once put her in the hospital with a broken jaw and a black eye. I was so shocked by this, because bf has been nothing but sweet, patient and considerate with me and doesn’t seem like he’s hiding another gf anywhere. But, I am not one to question anyone who is talking about being abused, as someone who went through it myself for about 2 years as a teen.
Ex gf has asked me not to tell bf that she’s reached out because she thinks he will retaliate, but wants me to get away from him because she’s concerned for my safety. Bf and I have three mutual friends who have known him longer than I have. I trust one a whole lot, and reached out to him to ask about this girl. He confirmed that they did date for about two years on and off, mostly long distance, and broke up maybe 3 months before we started talking. He mentioned that there were definitely rumors of abuse flying around, but all the information was coming solely from her and although she was being very open about what was happening, she also wasn’t doing anything to stop it (still calling, coming to visit, etc) all while in trauma therapy on the other side of the country.. so the assumption was that it was a mutually toxic relationship that both parties were willing participants in.
This girl has been blowing up my fb inbox for over a week now, and bf still doesn’t know that I’m speaking with her. I’m trying to be empathetic because she is clearly in pain - but I’m hesitant to believe her because this is not a side of bf that I know, and if I’m being honest - her messages are coming off a little bit creepy (she’s asked twice for screen shots of bf and I’s chats/phone history, and pictures of me, or me and him together).
I’m not sure what to do. I’m afraid that if I do bring this up to bf and it’s true, he could retaliate against her or attack me (not a fear I had until speaking with her). But I also cannot just sweep this under the rug, even though in my gut, it doesn’t feel true.
So where do I go from here? How do I bring this up without comprising anyone’s safety? Is it possible this girl is just a total loon? I feel like my relationship has been ruined by something that’s possibly not even true, but now whenever I look at bf my stomach turns at the possibility that he could be something really horrible, just faking his whole personality.
Please help!
TLDR; BF’s ex GF contacted me privately to tell me he’s extremely abusive, and she is concerned for me. I do not know BF to be abusive, but relationship is still new and I don’t feel like I have enough details about anything to move forward in any direction without messing something up.
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2020.10.14 22:40 throwawaybabe26 Being a 26F Virgin with bad relationship history is trapping me in a web of dating anxiety.

I was an awkward lonely teen who had her glow up in college. At that time I tried dating and making out with people at clubs but it never felt comfortable so I stayed a virgin. Then to make matters worse, two friends sexually assaulted me when I was drunk in college. So spent some time recovering by focusing on traveling, etc. Sure I had some flirtations, but no relationships due to fear.
Eventually, I settled down and grew to have feelings for a friend. After some time, I confessed and he said he felt similar. He asked about previous relationships. I said none... virgin. He was shocked (not in a good way) and said we should take it slow and not to tell any of our friends. That year we spent all our time together but he never made a move, we never went on a proper date, and we never brought up the discussion again. This year, I realized it wasn't going to happen. Although I do share equal responsibility for the situationship and should have seen it coming, it still broke my heart. I guess, we didn't want to feel alone and he didn't want to hurt my feelings by rejecting me.
In the summer, I decided to put myself out there on Tinder. I have met two guys, but didn't have chemistry with either. With each passing day, my anxiety keeps on increasing. On one side I feel "do this or you will be alone forever" and on the other side I feel "don't do this its never going to work". I am freaking out so much I freeze. I could be on the app for 1hr and send no messages just thinking. I end up ghosting chats after a day as I get so overwhelmed. Which just ends up making feel me even worse. Now I am afraid to try and go back to naturally meeting people, its never worked before (ex. college/situationship) and COVID has not made it easier. However on Tinder most people expect you to be ready for sex. It just feels like there is no good options, just bad.
I am starting to get really concerned that I'll never meet someone and remain a virgin. My friends are all finding partners and I feel more alone then ever. The last struggling virgin in the group.
tldr tried to date, but had a bad experience, then a bad situationship, and am now feeling trapped by age and insecurity, leading to extreme dating anxiety.
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2020.10.13 21:31 Brorack-Brobama Struggling Husband

I meet the woman of my dreams a little over 10 years ago. We started dating shortly after meeting. We both were 18 and just recently graduated from high school. Neither of us attended the same school which was actually a bonus because she didn’t know how much of a shithead I was in my teen years.
After being together for 3 years, I popped the question and she said yes. We’ve now been married for about 2 1/2 years.. together for 10 and she really is my life partner.
All I want is for her to be happy and smiling. We spend most of our days joking and teasing each other. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else...
About a year ago, she got really sick. Unable to stand, couldn’t move her head or much of her body without throwing up... after a few days of her being the sickest I’ve ever seen anyone we finally turned to google to try and figure out what was wrong... we figured out thanks to the internet machine that she has some form of vertigo.. but now we had a starting point! I called around town until we found a physical therapist who specialized in vertigo and I had to basically cry my eyes out on the phone with the receptionist to bump up our appointment... could you believe they wanted me to go to a general practitioner first so we could get a referral to physical therapy? Well with how sick my wife was... I mean she couldn’t even shower or walk nonetheless sit in the lobby of a doctors office just to be told “Yepp you have vertigo” and then turn around to make an appointment with a physical therapist.. anyway I digress
I guilted this poor lady into forcing our appointment through. We get in that afternoon and I had to be the big strong man.. care for and clean up my wife to make her look presentable. Had to sponge bath her and help her get dressed.. I did everything I could to make sure she felt good about going out even though she was so incredibly sick.
The PT immediately confirmed what we already knew.. she has vertigo. Which more or less is a life long condition she would have to deal with.
Well.. about a year passed with a couple of bad days of vertigo but for the most part it was manageable. Until 3 days ago. That’s when it came back. And her vertigo came back with a vengeance. She couldn’t eat, she struggles to talk.. can’t play on her phone or play a video game. Can’t change herself and struggles going to the bathroom without assistance. To her brain, she thinks she’s spinning. But in reality she could be laying perfectly still.
A part of me wanted to believe it was fake. Maybe she wasn’t really that sick and she just wanted to be babied... but you can’t fake vertigo. You can’t fake that thing their eyes do when they are having an episode or the complete helplessness she’s stuck with.
While I’m doing everything I can to be a good husband and cater after her every need... I’ve never felt so alone. So... empty. I want to talk about our day or share something funny... but I can’t. There is nothing to share. There is nothing we can chat about because she’s too sick to do that stuff.
We have another appointment coming up at the end of the week for her therapist to re-evaluate her. I hope it’ll get better.. I hope she’ll wake up from a nap and feel normal. I hope she’ll want to cuddle and laugh... kiss and hug...
For the last three days I’ve been mentally alone. She can’t talk.. she can’t really listen either.. she just lays there.. day after day of being quiet and sick. Can’t shower alone or let alone do the things she used to love like take care of her plants or play her with doggies.. I feel incredibly selfish for even feeling lonely. Here I am, healthy as an ox and I do anything. And here my poor wife is, dependent on my care.
I don’t really know what the point of this post was, but I’m alone. No one to chat with about what’s going on. It’s still covid season so can’t exactly have friends over or go meet up with them. My dad is taking care of his sick and elderly mom... my mom is taking care of her sick and elderly dad... and I’m taking care of my sick wife.
I just want life to return to normal.
submitted by Brorack-Brobama to Marriage [link] [comments]


2020.10.13 13:32 Charming_Replacement Male with confusing feminine fantasies

Hi all,
I am a 26 year old guy, and I have been having lots of confusing and conflicting sexual thoughts for over 10 years which is making my life really difficult.
I have always been attracted to women, but in my early teens I would have occassional fantasies about men which were always very submissive. These thoughts were minor, and would always subside after I masturbated; after which I would feel guilty.
Things didn't change until my early 20s when I met an older couple online who were looking for a boy who the wife could dress up like a girl with fmakeup and girly clothes to service the husband. I began chatting with them and everything clicked! I realised my occasional gay and submissive fantasies were an outlet for being feminine. I so, so, so, badly wanted to meet with this couple and finally get a chance to express all these crazy feelings that were in my head. When we chatted online my heart would leap and I would literally shake with excitement. But sadly I couldn't overcome my fear and anxiety and I let them go - I stil think about this often, and regret it to this day.
Since then I have chatted with many men online, bought girly clothes only to throw them away, multiple times partly shaved my body hair (which I HATE) only to let it grow back in fear of girls I am dating, or my friends noticing. I've spent hours fantasising, about men, crossdressing, being dominated, sucking a guy or being a bottom for him.
But, at the same time I am a totally straight male. I get turned on by women and sleep with women very often. I approach women in bars and clubs. I've fallen in love with women.
Recently things are coming to a head because I have started working out a lot. My arms, chest, and shoulders have been bulking up. Most times I love it because I like being a masculine male, and I know that being bulkier will help me attract more beautiful women. But a very deep part of me hates these changes because they make me even able to express my feminine desires at some point in the future.
I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with nowhere to go. What can I do? I will always be physically and emotionally attracted to women, I cannot change this. If I go out and express my gay and feminine fantasies I might (will likely?) truly enjoy it and then never be able to switch off this conflicting part of my mind. I have read online that if I do not express or think about a certain sexual fantasy for long enough it will dissapear, is this possible? It would be a shame to live my life without giving myself a chance to truly try things even if just once :'(
I guess the only scenario would be to somehow meet a woman so totally kind and understanding that they would encourage me to somehow exist as two people inside the same relationship, but even then my own fear and guilt would probably never allow that to happen.
Thank you, apologies for the long post <3
submitted by Charming_Replacement to sex [link] [comments]


2020.10.13 09:06 BooyaUbeBread Feeling so heavy after session

So I'm an alter and today's session was all about me yay! Except when the others stepped in for a moment mostly me 😊 anyway I've been having a hard time with the sexual feelings I get when I'm out. I am on several platforms and like to chat and get to know people, but I'm also on dating apps and trans apps and stuff like that. I'm feeling 😕 because this session was about the reason I'm even here is because of some extreme sexual abuse and the feelings I get are trying to recreate it by acting it out with someone else or something like that. Basically the therapist wants me to try to not do that as much in order to not have sudden flashbacks or even switch to one of our little ones during intimate times with someone else. Also I struggle so much with my body image and how I look I really hate it so much being in this body and having to share. Maybe I'm selfish I guess. But I'm scared to try and remember what happened to me at a young age I feel a block and can't remember certain things which makes it hard to talk to the therapist. And the host of the body is married and that makes everything even more complicated because I don't want to come between them or break anything up. I love their spouse and am happy for them, but I see them more like a parent than a partner. The therapist said maybe I should experiment with the spouse in order to explore sex in a safe way. I'm so confused I know the body is an adult, but I still feel like a teen and I'm afraid we'll keep getting older and I'll never be able to be myself or experience the things I want. And it's not like I even agreed to get married for the longest time I was just shut out and hidden so when I'm out again it's like I have to act and behave in this way... I'm sorry to vent so much I'm just so confused.
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2020.10.13 00:18 Mockbe Could you help me with my subtypes!

Hey everyone - as always when I am struggling with typology I ask you so I can get more insight. I am a type 9 and at this point pretty sure of my type. Unfortunately being a type 9 makes it pretty hard for me to look at myself and my behavious in an objective manner. I tried to narrow down the subtypes but I find plenty reasons of why they would not fit as my dominant type. At this point I would be able to see all three subtypes as my main one so maybe you can help me to cease my confusion. For context: I 've read nearly all online resources about the matter and I watched different videos. People have a very different understanding of the subtypes, especially the sexual one. So I have already existing knowledge of that topic.
Why I might be SO: - I have the feeling that I never truly belong to a group and I crave that feeling - The times when I actually found a (small!) group where everyone was pretty close it felt really nice because it's something I could never experience as a teen. - I really try to conform to social norms and not stand out too much. I can be pretty anxious about showing my interest in anime in public for example because I am afraid it might be adressed. I am very polite and kind to everyone and care about the opinions that people have of me.
Why I might not be SO: - I feel extremely uncomfortable in groups. If it's only 3 people it's fine but the more people join the more uneasy I get. Instead of communicating with them I completely shut down. At a social gathering I will sit in the corner and stare at my phone, being completely drained of energy and wanting to go home. I will make no attempts to make my presence known and I don't listen what conversations are going on around me most of the time - The typical descriptions of this instinct don't sound very familiar to me. I don't know how it is to identify with a group cause and merge with a group. I either need to feel like I am an active part in something and I contributed alot to it or I don't really bother. I am usually the least excited about a group project unless I am the one leading it or it is really something I have a burning passion about. - I've heard multiple times that the social 9 looks alot like a 7 because they are very active and bubbly. I can't relate to that at all. The types 7 and 8 were the ones I can relate the least with, in fact - unless I count the "distract myself from unpleasing thoughts" tendencies of the 7 in. I can be loud and happy but that is very rare and usually only happens when I feel 100% accepted by someone and they are pretty extroverted themselves. - I don't think I have a social network IRL that I can fall back to. I have only one closer friend and that's it. The only social network I have is online and even then I usually communicate in private chat rather than in servers.
Why I might be SP: - I spend alot of my time in my room, not interacting with people around me more than is needed. - When I am in the middle of a chat or video I can get pretty frustrated and even grumpy at my parents whenever they come in and want something from me - I absolutely love food and it is usually the way to get me out of my room - offer me to eat something outside that I would not usually get at home. - I usually cope with stress by drowning myself in videogames or videos. I used to eat more as well even though I got that issue under control. Also I tend to buy stuff from amazon just to give me something to look forward to. Purchases can make me more happy for a short time and then the stress or emptiness inside comes back.
Why I might not be SP: - I have big issues taking care of myself when it comes to very basic things: Visiting the doctor when I assume there are issues, eating healthy, showering, being productive etc.. I could be so focused on a task I'm doing that I literally forget I didn't eat for 10 hours and then be confused on why I am so hungry (or only realise I am hungry after finishing the task) - A theme for SP doms seems to be the word routine - but I actually really struggle with it. I usually just go with the flow, see what the day brings me and what I feel like doing. There are only a few things that would stay constant and that is usually me being on the phone after waking up and watching relaxing videos before going to sleep. Also watching a video while eating. Otherwise I think I am pretty open for every change in my routine and I can actually feel better after a day that is a little bit different from always. Whenever I actively try to set up a routine for myself it just doesn't work out because I never stick to it.
Why I might be SX: - I definitely have a tendency to merge with people. Whenever I meet a person 1 on 1 I try to analyse them (often without realizing) what kind of answers I need to give them in order to get a positive reaction (or approval) out of them. - This merging doesn't really apply to many people at the same time, I usually want to be approved by a specific person and in a fight I might even actively take their side because in that moment their arguments will sounds more valid to me (without me realising why that even is). - When I fall in love I get a very strong feeling of union but in a way that is almost suffocating to the other person. I need ALOT of time together, MUCH closeness and I become very emotional and even obsessed with them. I can get very jealous and the only way I can fall out of love with them is to bring a physical distance AND a mental one as well (that means no chatting) between us so I can let them go. Important to note here is, that I actually never was in a relationship and therefore I was just crushing very hard on those people. - I naturally go towards 1 on 1 connections instead of group interactions and like to start very deep topics about things that are deeply frustrating or personal in general. I have no problem sharing my honest feelings and struggles with people I feel a connection with. - I am pretty sure right now I am merged with my mother and she controlls pretty much my entire life. In the past I had her taste, her opinions and whenever she disagreed with something I wanted I just stopped wanting it. It definitely got better over time but I have still a deep seated fear of going against her and being independent of her. - Whenever I want to meet up with someone alone and they still offer to bring more people with them I get really upset. - It was said that sexual 9s are alot like 4s and I actually mistyped as a 4 for over a year and STRONGLY connected to the struggles of that type. I am also very emotional and like hobbies that need creativity.
Why I might not be SX: - I am actually on the asexual spectrum and therefore don't usually feel sexually attracted to people. Depending on which definition of the type you look at, that might be a huge thing. - Even though I am not aromantic I fall in love VERY rarely. I only had 3 big crushes in my life and the others were just a slight attraction on my side. Nothing too big. The most crushes I have are for fictional characters (yes this is a thing :"D) and that obviously doesn't count. - I was on a dating app and having contact with strangers felt weird to me. I always felt like the other people felt a connection that is not there - meanwhile I personally was always bored and started to freak out whenever they wanted to meet up. Because the idea of finding someone through such an app is infinitely better than the reality of it. - I can't form a crush on someone only based on our emotional connection. We could be best friends and I would still not feel the same connection with them as with a crush. I either have that spark from the start (that can happen online too!!) or it doesn't happen at all. - I was never in a relationship and I am not even sure if being so close to a person is something I could bear with since most of the time I have a need to push people away whenever a chance of a relationship might arrive - I don't pay attention to how I look AT ALL. I put on whatever clothes, don't wear makeup, it's too much effort. I also don't like the idea of being judged by others based on my looks and especially approached by others based on my looks. Either they like me because of my personality or I don't want anything to do with them. Being attractive to people is the last thing I am worried about if I'm being honest.
So yeah, that was it. It's quite alot. Hopefully the list will help a bit! I read on the different combinations and their typical manifestations and I related to sx/sp and so/sx the most though only on a particular website. On another one I didn't really resonate with a specific one more than the others. So I would really like to know your opinion. Thanks in advance <3
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2020.10.12 22:55 CaithAmach2332 Shared Experiences?

Hi All,
Using a throwaway for obvious reasons but I have no issue with discussing my experiences openly and truthfully on this messy and distressing topic.
What I am looking to achieve here is a comparison of experiences. Trying to figure out if my situation lines up correctly with others. It will hopefully also provide a cathartic experience whereby typing my experiences down might help open my eyes and help break and move on from what I think is a porn addiction. Unfortunately it revolves around gender which is making it difficult for me to resolve the issue, as I cant see the wood for the trees as they say.
A brief summary of my remembered childhood crossdressing experiences - Before the age of 12 or so;
Most of these experiences I couldn't explain the why of what I was doing, some of it I believe was innocent childhood fun such as asking my mom to put lipstick on me, that I recall was simply funny to me.
After the age of 12 or so I wore my mom and my sisters clothes at random occasions, none of it being sexual to my memory. It wasn't until I was about 15 that I first masterbated, which I believe to be later than other people based on anecdotal stories. I only did it as an experiment because I had heard a rumour of other guys in school having done it so I wanted to see why, I had no clue what an orgasm was and it came as quite a surprise when it first happened. After that, I eventually found wearing female clothes arousing, but it hadnt always been. I was 'hetero' at the time, and began watching porn at this age which was normal stuff. Internet chat rooms were all the rage and I recall pretending to be a girl in them to solicit nudes from other users, which often turned out to be other guys pretending to be girls to solicit nudes.
I remember around this time moving on and just pretending to be a girl in chat rooms. At this time I didn't know anything about transitioning, but knew it was possible to live as the other gender somehow. Going onto lesbian dating sites and telling anyone who would listen that I was hoping to be a girl at some stage and just chatting about that.
Around this age I got my first girlfriend, she had initiated interest, and while I was attracted to women, I never sought them out at the time, similarly to how I believe when I first masterbated was through naivety. We dated for several months and were sexually active together, though not penetrative due to lack of contraceptives. It was around this time I had begun cross dressing in my step sisters clothes who was a similar age to me, and much younger than my mom who's clothing I didn't like because I felt it wasn't my style. My girlfriend became supportive of me crossdressing and it didn't phase her, she even bought me clothes etc. We went from fooling around to me wanting to be touched the way I would touch her, before we broke up, our final experience was me wearing girls jeans and a top and her feeling me up as if I had the parts of a girl. Sexually it was very enjoyable for me, but I think by this stage it had worn out its welcome with her. I eventually broke up with her to move on to another girl which was short lived, and then my third and last girlfriend (for over 10 years) which lasted several months before ending.
While with my second girlfriend I had further experience in sexual interaction with another person, but before long I can remember the crossdressing thing beginning to rear up when I discussed it with her. I ended things quickly with this girl just on the basis she wasn't what I was looking for. My third girlfriend I don't recall there ever being any gender issues during our time, I was quite the masculine boyfriend with her but she eventually moved on from me.
I crossdressed on and off between 15-20 years old before it mostly went away for a while. It was largely sexual by the end of it, fetishistic crossdressing is the term I believe. However there were many times I would sleep in pyjamas or tshirts given to me by my first girlfriend, she had given me some old training bras as well. I'm a little on the chubby side, so I have slight man boobs. I can remember vividly wearing these tank top style pyjama tops and training bras to bed looking at my chest and wishing to wake up with real breasts.
I'm currently 30 but during my early to mid 20's it all came to a head where I began buying my own clothes and over time I had a wardrobe of my own clothes, shoes, underwear, accessories, jewellery, handbags etc etc, I even bought my own makeup and through constant trial and error, managed to make it look natural and could apply it correctly. I became quite stylish in my outfits too, while I may have been masterbating about it at night, during the day it didn't feel entirely sexual (whether it was running at the back of my mind, under the hood the whole time is another thing). I bought wigs, breast forms and so on, the whole shebang. I eventually grew out my own hair, got my ears pierced and did as much as I could to make everything as real as possible, but while still being able to go under the radar. I had broken down one night in front of a friend after a visit to a strip club with a group of the guys, when I was asked what was wrong, I blurted out I wanted to be a girl, and I don't know why that happened, it wasn't on my mind. I eventually began coming out to my friends and family because this felt more like I was trans than a crossdresser. I came out to work colleagues, created a new facebook account as my new self and so on. I celebrated one of my birthdays (maybe 26th or 27th) with a group of friends with me in my female persona at a gay bar and had a wonderful time apart from the anxiety inducing aspects of it. I began seeing a counsellor because I began hating my body, voice, features etc and truly believed I was actually transgender. What else would account for all I had done?
I didn't find the experience helpful, and at this point in my life I was miserable, my thoughts were 24/7 racing through my mind thinking I was transgender, sleep was a relief because my brain would stop thinking. I was likely suffering depression but it didn't feel the same as it had when I suffered a bout of it at 19 over unrelated problems (unemployment during the global recession) so I thought it was dysphoria. I would eventually see a psychologist who made the idea of attempting transitioning seem realistic and achievable, but without forcing me in to it. I began my first treatment of facial laser hair removal as my facial hair disgusted me, prevented me from wearing makeup whenever I chose and made me upset.
I eventually stopped seeking counselling as it wasn't what I thought it would be, I had half hoped it would provide a diagnosis almost, thereby resolving me of the need to decide to transition, instead it would be a necessity. I stopped the laser treatments as well out of worry in case I was making the wrong decision. I went to my doctor and went onto anti anxiety pills because I was a wreck by this point and life had become very difficult, mentally, for me. The pills lowered my libido (which helped me conclude that it was sexual reasons fueling this desire), the daily masterbation went away but I felt miserable. After a few months I went cold turkey off the anti anxiety tablets because I was taking them to deal with the result of my gender problems, I didn't want to associate with that any more so the tablets had to go. I cut my hair off which was now shoulder length, dumped all my clothes, makeup and prosthetics etc. I became so ashamed at this point, because I had opened up to everyone that I felt I was letting them down, as if I had lied. I also couldn't bring up the sexual element primarily out of shame and that I feared people would think I was either a predator or a pervert. None of this was the case to me, I genuinely thought I was transgender and that my sexual fantasies were about me, me being the girl. I did eventually become happy again as a guy, and have been living as a man, and have been enjoying being a man for the last few years. It is starting to crumble again, and I believe, or hope that it is because of porn.
One of my thought processes during this 'trans' experience I lived was that I wanted my female friends to see me as a lame duck, that I wasn't a man, I wasn't a threat and that I only wanted to be a 'gal pal' to them. During my teen years I was an awful angry, bigoted guy; homophobic, racist, I was even misogynistic. Through 'coming out' I broke down all these barriers and became a nicer, more caring and considerate person. This was partly through avoiding hypocrisy of wanting to be accepted, partly because women tend to be, from my experience, more open and accepting so I wanted to emulate that etc.
Fast forward to now, I haven't cross dressed in a couple of years, I have had minimal to virtually no desire to do so. I have tried to roll back my personality to the pre-coming out stage, minus the bigotry and aggressiveness etc. But what I have discovered is that I solely watch transgender porn now, as I have done for the last few years, but I wonder if I am using it as a crutch; I know similarly to others here, I imagine myself as the female in the videos which is why I cant enjoy straight porn. The trans questioning has slightly returned, my masterbation has increased from once a day, to polluting my thoughts and having typed all this out, I can see how early on porn was an issue, and sexual problems were prevalent. My last and most recent ex-girlfriend two years ago led me to discovering that while I had love and romantic interest in a partner, I lack lust and desire, most likely due to porn use. As a result, I have realised my lack of relationships over the last 10 years is due to lack of desire. I always wondered why I was different to friends who were always successful with girls and I believe that is because I had no sexual desire which is the great attractor. I have also become submissive, in the sense I want someone to approach me, I also am thinking about myself in the wrong way, I want someone to look or feel my ass the same way a girl would use hers to draw attention.
Some of my further issues with this transgender porn is that I have had more sexual experiences with men than I have with women, despite being a 'straight guy', I don't find men attractive or have any romantic interest in them. I wont lie and say I hated the experiences, I enjoyed them at the time, but I undertook them on the basis of being the girl in the situations. In the gay community the term would be a power bottom; I was envisioning myself as a girl, I wanted to feel that way through sex, so I hooked up 2-3 times with guys to get what I wanted and did what I enjoyed with them, regardless of their desires in the situation. At present, a close gay friend of mine uses the gay hook up app Grindr, and I find myself thought wise, regressing, to wanting to download it to have sex with a man to get the validation I want, despite presently being 100% male in appearance.
I am at the point where I am bored of looking at porn, I don't want to use it anymore because it is affecting my ability to have a relationship, but due to it being transgender porn it is having a terrible effect on what I think is my gender identity, and slightly to my sexuality. While some here have posted about sissy porn which I also watch, I find it doesn't affect me in all the same ways, I don't enjoy the humiliation or cuckold aspect, I view it as a 'it takes away my decision responsibility'. I used to get annoyed there wasn't more affirmative sissy porn, whereby instead of it degrading you as a man, it built you up as a woman. The mistresses so frequent in this type of porn seem malicious and I always wondered why they weren't trying to bring you to their level of 'look, being a woman is amazing, you can be like me'.
My final point here; I have moved away from consistently thinking I am trans to thinking I have a porn addiction, an addiction I am finding I am losing to but I am starting to go down the AGP rabbit hole, and that to me seems like it has no positive resolution to, it seems like a 'you're fucked' kind of thing. I know what I have to do, simply cold turkey porn and hope to reset myself over time. Keeping busy and avoiding boredom and isolation with masterbating is the key to it, my problem is the rise of the 'am I actually trans?' thoughts filling in the gaps (which I'm sure is simply my brain latching onto the dopamine producer), the hopelessness of the AGP situation if that has any credence, to thinking that being cis and alpha masculine is not as exciting or desirable (which again is likely the brain resisting something non sexual because there won't be a dopamine hit). I am also afraid, I am afraid of getting close to a girl and coveting her body sexually and that problem not ever going away. Currently I look at some of my female friends and want to be them and my worry is cold turkeying porn, but having nothing to reset to, I began watching porn at 15 and some of my first sexual experiences were from crossdressing.
Does anyone relate to this at all, have I missed something obvious that can set me on the right path? Has this helped anyone else see the truth of their own experiences?
submitted by CaithAmach2332 to TGandSissyRecovery [link] [comments]


2020.10.12 15:34 throwaway_psych123 My ex-gf was a sex worker. Should I trust her and get back together?

I dated a girl for a few months. She seemed like the perfect girl: she was smart, beautiful, was going to college in the US on a scholarship (I live in South America and getting a scholarship abroad is a big deal), and we really liked each other.
From the first moment I knew something was off; however, I have a tendency of being with girls with personal problems. At the time I met her, her father had thrown her out of the house for disobeying him (she was 18, now 19). She went to live with her mother, who lived in a small town about 2 hours away from the city. This is not an American small town however, think dirt roads and hardly anyone has refrigeration on a tropical climate. Of course, most of her life was in the city, so she would come to the city and find a place to stay until she couldn't and had to go back.
She would sleep over at friends' houses, get a motel when she couldn't stay over a friend's place, and I found out later she would spend the night over at guys' places and have sex with them (I suspect just to be safe for the night). I know because she spent the night over at my friend's apartment shortly after meeting him, and he told me afterwards. This is actually how we started dating.
I started texting her mostly because I wanted to have sex with her. I hadn't been with anyone for a while, and I figured I'd try to start something with her. On our first date, we went for coffee and later went over to my place for dinner and walked around the neighborhood. She would talk a lot about her father, how he was such an asshole and she didn't need him. She had made it without him (talking about her scholarship). We had a great time, but towards the end, she seemed to be getting nervous because she couldn't find a place to spend the night and I told her she could stay at my house. That night we had our first kiss, and about two hours later had sex. She had the most pungent vaginal odor I had ever smelt. I was a little disgusted, but I went through with it, because she was so beautiful and I was desperate for affection. I knew she had problems. She told me about how she had been raped in her early teens, and had been in abusive relationships and was so happy to be with me because I was good to her.
We kept seeing each other until she went away for college. Her story was that she would live in this big house owned by the university, but later changed to being owned by this rich guy. She told me she was going to live with other scholarship recipients, that the house was especially designated for them, but then changed to being owned by this guy and his wife and she was the only one there. This story changed every time I asked about it, but I didn't say anything. She was there for me and I was there for her; we were both lonely and would constantly text and videochat.
She got back at the end of the semester and I went to pick her up. This rich guy had supposedly liked her so much, he was going to pay for an apartment for her to live while she was here. We spent a couple of nights there, her vaginal odor still intact since that first night. I never said anything. A couple of days after she got here the quarantine started, and my parents told me we could stay in the house until it passed. It went on for months.
We were having a great time, until one day I went through her phone. I saw that the chat with the rich guy was hidden, so I went through it. He would text her about how horny he was and how much he missed her. I was dumbfounded. I went through the chat and more of this went on, went through the chat with the wife and saw that they started talking after meeting on "SA". After googling it I realized it meant "Seeking Arrangements", a website for Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies to make "arrangements". I was disgusted that whole night, and confronted her about it, crying profusely.
She told me everything. She had been on the website since she was about 15, and traveled overseas for sex work. I had always wondered about how she had the money to travel everywhere by herself (her instagram was filled with pictures from all over the Americas). She had been abused by some clients, was doing terrible at school, and finally she was put on a mental institution on her senior year, she was diagnosed with some sort of personality disorder. She still graduated, her mother didn't attend the ceremony because she was divorcing her dad (her mom is a real piece of work). Her father told her he would put her through college anywhere she wanted. They weren't exactly wealthy, but university in South America is not that expensive. However, when it came time, he didn't. He helped her pay part of her tuition at a local university, but she changed majors again and again until he told her he wouldn't pay for her education.
This brings us to how she had found this "miraculous scholarship", which turned out to be a Sugar Daddy who was looking for a Sugar Baby to live in his house for him to have sex with whenever he wanted. He had promised her to pay for her college education.
I knew this would kill me, but I just had to help her. By this point, I had developed deep feelings for her. She stayed at my house for the remaining months of the quarantine. She wanted to leave all of this behind her, I could see that she was hurt and desperate. I helped her heal and restart her life. I was changing careers at the time, becoming a self taught software developer (still am, this happened 5-6 months ago), so I helped her try to be one too.
I would think about all of this constantly, all of the lies, but my feelings for her wellbeing were stronger, so I managed to stay happy with her for the remaining months. I encouraged her to reach out to her father and move back in with him. It was a slow process, but eventually she did. We were officially dating for some months now, but she started being very jealous of me.
She would try to go through my phone, get mad when I didn't let her, explode out of nowhere. I was very fragile still, my head was filled with negative thoughts thinking about her past. It was all too much, I had to break up with her.
By this time, she had managed to get an internship, which seemed very weird to me. She had been learning Front-End Development for a month, definitely not enough for any sort of role. Out of nowhere, this guy that had contacted her on Instagram before (he was obviously attracted to her), who owned a tech company, offered her an internship. I had contacted him directly before to get the same internship, I had way more experience than her, but never got a call back. He took her in a matter of days. I broke up with her a couple of days after this. This internship now developed to a full-time job, no experience needed, on site training and hand holding.
I found out about the job because we got coffee yesterday. She seemed very happy and busy. I had cut her off completely for 2 months. She told me she was very depressed when we broke up, so she was seeing a therapist, dove head first into the work, and that's why she was eventually hired.
I still care a lot about her. I think about her everyday, follow her every step on social media, and can't sleep thinking about what she might be doing, if she's using her body to get by in any sort of way, if she's having sex with any of my friends. Seeing her brought back many emotions. She now seems so well put together and focused, but I don't know if I can trust her. I'm certain we could get back together, but I can't get over the fact that she lied to me for so much time, and I was stupid enough to believe every word she said.
What should I do?
submitted by throwaway_psych123 to askatherapist [link] [comments]


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